I had to call the incredibly rude medical supply person today to tell him he sent me the wrong size compression socks. I got one pair when I went to the shop, but he wouldn't give me the other two pair my prescription called for because he wasn't sure about my insurance (and wouldn't call to find out what was covered). So, the second pair came in the mail one size two big, which is a problem with compression socks, and he said, "Are you sure it wasn't a large we gave you." I'm so glad I kept the box from the original pair, and I will try to resist shoving it down his throat when I go back to exchange them.

Heh. I really appreciate my brother. It's so nice to have someone who's crazy in virtually the same way I am.

He called because he's having panic attacks because he's packing up the house for them to move next week, while his wife is in Peru buying coffee for her new job. And packing up their huge old house is a massive task. So I commiserated with him on the anxiety attacks, and asked, "Did you punch a wall?"

Bro: "...are you suggesting I do that?"
Me: "God, no, but I have a proven track record of unhealthy coping mechanisms, and I was wondering if you did, too."
Bro: "You remember how I was an active alcoholic for over 10 years and almost destroyed my liver? My coping mechanisms aren't so great, either."
Me: "What do you do now that you don't drink?"
Bro: "Take a Klonopin and eat ice cream."
Me: "That's WAY better than punching a wall."

Go team unhealthy coping mechanisms. I'm looking forward to being able to indulge in my unhealthy coping mechanisms again. I find it is far better than having no coping mechanisms.

I've really be falling down on the cleaning lately. No clutter, but floors that make me sad to look at them. Still, no impulse to actually clean them.

I just feel like ugh.

Turns out the yeast may not be the 'usual' kind.

Has anyone had to deal with candida glabrata or non-C albicans?

Mom's back home. Ig ot her hooked on Leverage and it looks like she's signing up for Netflix solely for access to it.

Also we ate a lot of good food some..a lot..most of which I shouldn't have eaten. I didn't drink enough water. So on top of the anxiety about going back to work I have an IC flare and possible UTI. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow about that.

I'm calling tomorrow and saying i can't go to work. This will only make the anxiety worse on Saturday but it's painful for me to sit or stand, OTC stuff doesn't work but a heating pad provides some relief and I have a painkiller that will work but it's prescription and strong so I have to make a choice.

This is all based on how I feel tomorrow.

Saw my therapist today and I'm seeing her twice next week, possibly twice a week for awhile. If I have an UTI that might be adding to the stress and general feeling of ickiness that' going on although probably not accounting for the anxiety. I'm also supposed to contact my meds manager and find out if I can add more klonopin temporarily.

I know I've made progress but that was progress with no real stress add the stress and all the self sabotage thoughts and overwhelming anxiety flooded back.

I have to fight against that, I have to fight against the really pessimistic side that keeps whispering "what if you can't do this, what if you have to move to a lower level job what if this is as good as it gets". I hate being this person.

I don't really have any good advice or smart things to say, but lots of good thoughts and strength to you, askye.

I got one more interview, at a private high school, in a city where I think I'd really like living. Keeping my fingers crossed that something will work out.

I hope your doctor comes through with something useful, askye, for both the UTI and anxiety.

Interview~ma, Hil!

Well, my book group came and went. I got complements on my biscuits and the apartment is relatively dust-free. I like it this way, just not enough to keep on top of it each week.

Man, today is not a good brain day. Plus I have the tell-tale early warning signs of a migraine (vertigo and twitchy eye).

I have a mountain of work to do, so I'm trying to go against my instincts and just put my head down and power through the work in the hopes it will distract me.

~ma to all that needs it!

I'm on my second week of missing 3 days of work to some mystery ailment. My doctor seems to know what it is but it doesn't have a name. I'm on my second round of antibiotics and still don't feel well. I'm going back into the doctor today.

work is very not happy with me for missing so much time. I'm not too thrilled with it either but I don't' think they care. All they care about is the work is piling up - digitally - and they need bodies in front of computers to do it all.

Guess who's iron is very very low again and needs to go for infusions for the next couple of week? Every once in a while I wish I could work a full time job and then I think how would I ever schedule all of my doctors appointments.