Mom's back home. Ig ot her hooked on Leverage and it looks like she's signing up for Netflix solely for access to it.

Also we ate a lot of good food some..a lot..most of which I shouldn't have eaten. I didn't drink enough water. So on top of the anxiety about going back to work I have an IC flare and possible UTI. I'm going to the doctor tomorrow about that.

I'm calling tomorrow and saying i can't go to work. This will only make the anxiety worse on Saturday but it's painful for me to sit or stand, OTC stuff doesn't work but a heating pad provides some relief and I have a painkiller that will work but it's prescription and strong so I have to make a choice.

This is all based on how I feel tomorrow.

Saw my therapist today and I'm seeing her twice next week, possibly twice a week for awhile. If I have an UTI that might be adding to the stress and general feeling of ickiness that' going on although probably not accounting for the anxiety. I'm also supposed to contact my meds manager and find out if I can add more klonopin temporarily.

I know I've made progress but that was progress with no real stress add the stress and all the self sabotage thoughts and overwhelming anxiety flooded back.

I have to fight against that, I have to fight against the really pessimistic side that keeps whispering "what if you can't do this, what if you have to move to a lower level job what if this is as good as it gets". I hate being this person.

I don't really have any good advice or smart things to say, but lots of good thoughts and strength to you, askye.

I got one more interview, at a private high school, in a city where I think I'd really like living. Keeping my fingers crossed that something will work out.

I hope your doctor comes through with something useful, askye, for both the UTI and anxiety.

Interview~ma, Hil!

Well, my book group came and went. I got complements on my biscuits and the apartment is relatively dust-free. I like it this way, just not enough to keep on top of it each week.

Man, today is not a good brain day. Plus I have the tell-tale early warning signs of a migraine (vertigo and twitchy eye).

I have a mountain of work to do, so I'm trying to go against my instincts and just put my head down and power through the work in the hopes it will distract me.

~ma to all that needs it!

I'm on my second week of missing 3 days of work to some mystery ailment. My doctor seems to know what it is but it doesn't have a name. I'm on my second round of antibiotics and still don't feel well. I'm going back into the doctor today.

work is very not happy with me for missing so much time. I'm not too thrilled with it either but I don't' think they care. All they care about is the work is piling up - digitally - and they need bodies in front of computers to do it all.

Guess who's iron is very very low again and needs to go for infusions for the next couple of week? Every once in a while I wish I could work a full time job and then I think how would I ever schedule all of my doctors appointments.

Okay:

• some work done
  
• healthy breakfast eaten
  
• more coffee consumed than is strictly necessary
  
• dishes done
  
• Ativan taken in the hopes of getting my twitchy eye to stop twitching and pre-migraine vertigo to go away [FAIL]

Onward:

• WAY more work
  
• possible dog walk
  
• shower

This is all *extremely* difficult today. I did actually forget how much it sucks to feel like this.

I just checked my messages, and yesterday, another private school called me, wanting to talk to me about an open position in their math department. This placement firm that I signed up with seems pretty good! (I mean, I haven't gotten a job yet, but I've gotten two schools that said they were interested before I even sent the cover letters that the placement firm told me to send.)

Teppy, I'm sorry it is so difficult, but go you!

Hil, I hope you find something soon.

OK, I just scheduled a phone interview for later today. This is both "yay" and "eek." Need to go read the school's webpage and philosophy and everything.