Mess increases, I beat it back, wash, rinse, repeat. Dusting is my big nemesis, and it only happens before non-neighbor company comes or Mom's voice in my head gets too loud. More likely the former, as Mom's ghost and I have largely made our peace. Right now it's pretty clean, as I'm hosting my book group this month.

My father's place is pretty disgusting, and I'm not sure what to do about it. The kitchen especially. His hands shake from strokes so he drops a lot of food and he really doesn't notice when things are getting gross. Plus he keeps the lights really low, for reasons I don't understand. So he doesn't see that his dishes aren't getting really clean, etc. We did just get him on board to leave the fans on the AC units running so it doesn't get so funky and clammy smelling. He thought it was going to run up his electric bill like running the AC would.

I may end up hiring someone to go in and do a deep clean sometime when he's out.

That is always a tough one, brenda. If he doesn't get upset when your family or hired help do a good cleaning from time to time that would be good. My parents do a pretty good job with the day to day and we do a serious clean off season since they are in NY in the summer.

I think hiring someone to come in and clean for him would be good, brenda.

Yeah, definitely sounds like a cleaner for him would be a good plan...

I was all excited to enjoy my patio this week because it was supposed to be beautiful, and now it is...not really supposed to be beautiful anymore. Apparently I missed it by being in Omaha. Where it was below 50. Grrr. I've been spoiled by this weird un-Seattle spring we've been having!

Yeah, he wouldn't care. I mean, he'd be pleased not upset.

He was up at the cabin for a few days last week and I got there yesterday and he'd totally cleaned and straightened up and done all the dishes we left behind and stuff.

How I miss having housecleaners. My reward to myself for paying off all my credit cards will be hiring cleaners again.

Plus he keeps the lights really low, for reasons I don't understand.

My mom kept the lights real dim in her house after her first stroke, too (which we didn't even know about until years later). Maybe bright lights bother his eyes?

Dusting is my big nemesis, and it only happens before non-neighbor company comes or Mom's voice in my head gets too loud. More likely the former, as Mom's ghost and I have largely made our peace.

My grandmother's scornful voice was loud in my head for most of my life. She died when I was 15 and she still wouldn't shut up! I'm learning to ignore her ghost, or tell her to back off. My last therapist helped a lot in that regard.

I overslept again today. Woke up a couple times in the night from very vivid dreams. (I went to Iceland last night. The fish cakes were delicious. That's how I know it was a dream.) This has been happening for a couple weeks now. I don't think my new BP med is supposed to cause vivid dreams and disturbed sleep, but it is anyway. Hopefully I'll adjust soon, because I can't keep oversleeping like this. I have three alarms set now and I don't even hear them.

I feel for the dusting impaired; it's my least favorite chore, too. Especially with a cathedral ceiling. Even though I bought a duster with a 15' extension pole, it's still awkward getting in the right angle to get the cobwebs off the ceiling and the corners, and getting the dust off the top of the ceiling fan. Which is why I usually only do it at the beginning of summer when I turn the fan on for the season.

When we were kids and my mother cleaned the bathroom, we always asked who was coming to the house.

Adulting despite this fucking brain:

• Some work-y stuff
  
• Washed dishes
  
• Made bed
  
• Brushed teeth and flossed
  
• 2 healthy meals eaten

Still up:

• More work-y stuff
  
• Shower, damn it, shower
  
• Maybe walk the dog
  
• Figure out dinner, god damn it
  
• Cook dinner, god damn it

Today is being a struggle. But I'm getting shit done.