Steph, I'm going to need my brain back when you're done borrowing it.

And I'm gonna need bitches' brains to be nicer to them, starting right now.

I am sorry things are so rough right now, Steph, and that your brain doesn't make it easier. And no, you're not whining.

And also, since I think you announced it while I way Away With My Mono, No Joy - I was so happy to read that you and Tim are about to be married, and I never got to tell you that. That's wonderful, and congratulations.

Steph, I hope you are able to find a way to channel the panic. I'd happily take some. I am often criticized for not having the anxiety gene, but it just means I bury it and that isn't so healthy either.

Still not engaging on Facebook. And thankful to Victor for the shiny new tag.

Steph, have you considered a short term prescription for anxiety meds? This is a super fucking stressful time for you, it might be worth discussing with your doctor.

My doctor did prescribe Ativan for me, but said if I need it for longer than a month, she'd rather put me on an antidepressant that manages anxiety. I'm not interested in going back on an antidepressant, but she might not budge on that and refuse to refill the Ativan.

I find now-and-then Ativan to be a very helpful thing. Can you just take it with incidents and not on a regular schedule?

I am just taking it with incidents. I wasn't very specific about that; sorry. My baseline level of anxiety is about a 5 on a 0-10 scale, and while it's not awesome, I can deal with it without Ativan. But I keep jumping to utter panic with depressing regularity.

Ugh ugh ugh.

Is yoga helping at all? I found that it kept me centered in the first few months after Rob died.

I was born with anxiety brain. Since childhood I have made plans to deal with every possible contingency that I can think of. So when matt was worried about his job and started talking about the house, and what if. We needed to sell it...I gave him a list of things we would need to do to sell the house. I had plans when I was a kid on how to survive if my parents died in a horrible car accident.

Anyway, that is my coping mechanism. Seriously, I suggest making plans for every contingency. Except for getting lost, horrible things don't actually seem to happen. Having plans help me cope.

So staring with never finding a job. Ok - so you have. Ghe freelance. Job. With the nuns, but that isn't enough . So what can I sell. Can we take in borders,or maybe I'll be a pet sitter. So I think of all possibilities as well as all disasters.

I don't know if it helps, but it is what works for me

I'm a list maker. When I'm stressed, if I can get some kind of step by step plan on paper, it keeps my brain from going over it again and again. And even though I know this about myself, I'm horrible about remembering it when I'm in deep stress. And then I feel like a dolt when I do remember. Stupid brain.

At this point, making contingency plans and lists just makes my anxiety go to 11. I'm kind of disgusted with myself that I'm just helplessly flailing, but that's where I am, so I guess I have to own it.

Is yoga helping at all?

Making me more bendy, maybe. But I can't shut my brain up to get centered.