I came home and took a nap. I wanted to go "see" live music in Second Life and instead I'm printing out paperwork for a waiver for the $400 ish whooping cough test.

I still have to call the insurance company for short term disability and email my therapist about filling out paperwork for work. The hospital thing wants info about my medical expenses but it dosn't ask for documentation (which I guess is good I don't have receipts for most of it) and some I put on credit cards so it doesn't show up on the bank statement. I keep telling myself the worst they can say is no.

Oh and way back 3 years ago (ish) I had a temp job where I was basically asked to leave because I sucked so bad. That job would have been doing the financially stuff for the waive I'm doing right now. Which is kind of making me feel like crap.

Lately, sj, I apparently just look at pictures of Chris Evans. Shamefully.

(I find it very soothing.)

askye, it really sucks when the unpleasant past get brought up like that.

sj, one thing I do when tempted to stuff my face and eat emotionally is to take a few moments to really concentrate on how I'm feeling and ask what would make my body happy. Sometimes the answer is to plan an indulgence of some kind that actually fits in my eating plan/what's in the cupboard/whatever. Sometimes the answer is, make a cup of tea. Sometimes the answer is, put on some music and read. Sometimes it is, to look to the internet to cheer me up. Most of the following have been mentioned here before, but for the sake of your convenience, I'm including links.

Webpages that make me feel better:

Good Stuff Happened Today [link]

Mark Watches [link]

Itty Bitty Kitty Committee [link]

Calming Manatee [link]

Troll Youtube for kitten videos - if I need a laugh, playing kittens, if I need soothing, sleeping kittens.

Unless you have health issues, lay lay by a wall, wiggle your butt flush to the wall, and extend your legs up the wall, straight.

Stay there for 1-3 minutes, and do deep breathing, thinking of the most beautiful place you've ever been or an ideal vacation.

My coping mechanisms tend to involve watching favorite horror movies where horrible monsters eat people (30 Days of Night or Jennifer's Body), or taking a bath using the bloodbath red salts and reading a trashy vampire novel.

I feel like a failure becuase I can't do this therapy homework.

I don't know how to answer the questions. I did one in the group and I just couldn't figure out what was expected and it felt like a trap - circle everything statement that applies. Okay I did that. And it was about 7. Now come up with a challenge thing or behavior change or something for each one you circled. But that didn't happen at the end.

Plus I was trying to take notes and my handwriting has gotten so bad I can barely read what I wrote. I'm whining now. I can't do all of the answers it will be a miracle if I can do one.

Askye, what you just wrote is one of the answers the homework is seeking. It's not about what's expected (I hope) it's about what's true. That's not a failure. This is where you are, it gives the providers info to help you. That's the point, it's not pass/fail.

sarameg is right. You are not being graded on this. You are simply thinking. And you are in a bad place right now, and you being unable to come up with/being stressed and unable to answer all the questions WILL help them determine how to best help you!

Mom is coming for a visit. She's going to Florida for spring break and to get a colonoscopy (she hasn't founda doctor she really trusts in NC).

Because she wants to come after that she's thinking of driving up instead of flying because it will be like $800 for a ticket. It's about a 16 hour drive and if she'd drives she can bring up some power tools so I can do some things ( that I've gotten approval for but are cosmetic not structural) and maybe her sewing machine and make some curtains. Especially since I have some odd windows.

I really want to see her and having her drive up would be cool. Plus we would have her car in case we found a cool deal on furniture or something.

askye, that sounds great. I hope today is better.

Can unsweetened by flavored seltzer spike blood sugar? It is the only common denominator I can think of when my readings have been too high.