I really need to do some cleaning today. I really don't want to.

Everything I have to eat is a multiple of 15 grams of carbs. My greek yogurt actually contains 16, jusot to make things more difficult. Plus, I have to add non-starchy vegetables to some meals and a specific amount of protein to others. I have a fairly lengthy list of what my 15 grams of carbs options are, so that isn't the problem. I just don't really have any interest in assembling 3 meals and three snacks to make up the right amount of everything every day. I'm lazy and would love it if I could just pull something out of the fridge or freezer once a day. Plus, I feel like I can't go anywhere. I'm used to being able to be out all day doing errands and grabbing a bagel or something quick if I'm hungry. I'm supposed to go to a friend's house on Tuesday in RI, and what am I supposed to say, "Are you going to have a 45 gram of carb lunch waiting for me when I get there?" Or do I just bring my own food with me? Both options seem rude.

Both options seem rude.

Temporary serious medical conditions are an exception to the rules of etiquette. Anyone who is offended at your care of yourself and your baby would receive Miss Manner's most cutting courteous sarcasm.

"Are you going to have a 45 gram of carb lunch waiting for me when I get there?" Or do I just bring my own food with me? Both options seem rude.

I'd say bring your own food, and let your friend know so that she doesn't prepare something special. It's not rude -- people will understand that you've got to be eating specific stuff right now.

I'd say bring your own food, and let your friend know so that she doesn't prepare something special. It's not rude -- people will understand that you've got to be eating specific stuff right now.

Other people are going to be there, so there is probably going to be food of some kind regardless. I guess I will bring my own, and if there is something they have there that I can actually eat, I'll have that instead and just bring my own food back home with me. It's still going to be tricky to keep the timing right with all the driving.

Even with dieticians and nurses looking over my shoulder on the job, I wouldn't sweat the 16 grams - close enough for government work. I would be comfortable going +/-3. Other people with diabetes here can give you a better idea of what kind of slop factor there is. That might actually be kind of individual.

A can of Progresso Traditional Chicken Noodle soup has 11 in a one-cup serving. I like to microwave some frozen veggies, such as green beans, broccoli, or a stir fry blend, in a large bowl, then dump a can of that soup in (2 servings, so 22 grams), stir it up, and heat for 2 more minutes. Adding garlic and a few drops of lemon juice add some dimension to the flavor. So this plus some crackers (figuring the right amount to bring it up to 45 takes a little math) would make your meal.

As for going visiting, I think the only real way to be rude is to not talk to your friend. If this person is adept at reading labels, s/he might be pleased to meet the challenge of providing you with a meal that works for you. If not, then s/he would be able to adjust ideas of hospitality to cover you bringing something for yourself.

ETA: I guess it is a sad legacy of a lifetime of dieting that measuring things and reading the label of ALL THE THINGS doesn't ping me as fuss and bother. So maybe I'm not really coming to the heart of what is challenging for you in this, sj. I'm sorry if I'm being the opposite of helpful.

Even with dieticians and nurses looking over my shoulder on the job, I wouldn't sweat the 16 grams - close enough for government work. I would be comfortable going +/-3. Other people with diabetes here can give you a better idea of what kind of slop factor there is. That might actually be kind of individual.

I didn't think 1 gram was a big deal, but the nurse kind of flipped out on me when I asked if I could go over or under by 1 gram. I guess I'll ask the diabetic counselor when I see her.

As for going visiting, I think the only real way to be rude is to not talk to your friend. If this person is adept at reading labels, s/he might be pleased to meet the challenge of providing you with a meal that works for you. If not, then s/he would be able to adjust ideas of hospitality to cover you bringing something for yourself.

She has a toddler and twin newborns. I'm guessing whatever food is there is not going to be food she has made.

I didn't think 1 gram was a big deal, but the nurse kind of flipped out on me when I asked if I could go over or under by 1 gram. I guess I'll ask the diabetic counselor when I see her.

Yes, do ask the diabetic counselor. Life doesn't come packaged in perfect numbers. There is nothing magic about 15 grams that makes it more perfect than 14 or 16 - it is simply a convenient amount to start the discussion and planning. There IS slop factor; how much may be negotiable, or highly idiosyncratic for each person. And maybe the way to frame the issue is, are you more likely to end up in the hospital with complications by sticking with your eating plan but allowing yourself some wiggle room, or by getting so exhausted and frustrated by the whole thing that you give up altogether at some point? If you never hit 15 precisely but are always at either 14 or 16, you will be better off in the long run than if you attempt to be exactly perfect for so long that you get stressed out and either quit eating or go on a binge. Either the nurse in question lacks genuine knowledge but can't be arsed to admit it, or is the sort of person who thinks Barney Fife's approach to policing was wise and just.

I should add that there are some medical professionals who do not care to admit to slop factor in front of mere patients on the grounds that they assume all patients are incapable of following instructions carefully or doing their own thinking so that the allowable slop factor gets taken up by patient stupidity. "Give 'em a gram, and they'll take a kilo." And there are those who will never admit that humans do not come from cookie cutters - so are married to their numbers; the possibility that there might be some people for whom the magic number of carbs isn't 15 but 13.73 or 19.1 depending on size, weight, body composition, metabolism, and activity level, will never occur to them.

And maybe the way to frame the issue is, are you more likely to end up in the hospital with complications by sticking with your eating plan but allowing yourself some wiggle room, or by getting so exhausted and frustrated by the whole thing that you give up altogether at some point? If you never hit 15 precisely but are always at either 14 or 16, you will be better off in the long run than if you attempt to be exactly perfect for so long that you get stressed out and either quit eating or go on a binge. Either the nurse in question lacks genuine knowledge but can't be arsed to admit it, or is the sort of person who thinks Barney Fife's approach to policing was wise and just.

Yeah, that's the way I look at it and it seemed to be the way the nutritionist looked at it as well. She did mention as an aside that some people conveniently forget to monitor on holidays like Easter, and she didn't make it sound like that was the end of the world.