((((Shir))))

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I feel bad for reading their bio on their website [link] and thinking "omigod real life mary sues!"

Oh my God. Not only are they blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauties, but:

As the world's only known identical twin professional harpists

Camille and Kennerly are Third Degree Black Belts in Tae Kwon Do and are former Tae Kwon Do instructors.

The twins are also "Distinguished Experts" in rifle marksmanship and are trained in horseback riding.

Camille and Kennerly have a heart for philanthropy and are also actively involved in their community.

The twins know sign language and volunteered for over 6 years at a monthly Deaf/HOH (Hard-of-Hearing) social gathering.

Fun Fact: Camille and Kennerly were competitive swimmers for many years as children and both qualified for the Junior Olympics 5 times, competing in all 4 strokes.

Camille and Kennerly graduated "Summa Cum Laude" (with highest honors) from a prestigious Conservatory of Music, both with a Bachelor of Music degree in Harp Performance.

Someone made these people up.

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I find the videos creepy (i have seen 3 of them) not because I have twin issues (hi ita!), but because one twin (Camille?) keeps looking at the other and the other doesn't bother. This coupled with a Robert Palmer fake band vibe, I don't like the composition of the videos at all. Change a facial expression or something.

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I'm creeped by the fact that they've apparently made it to adulthood with exactly the same damn list of activities and achievements. Most twins I know have wanted to do at least some of their own thing once they got past the age where mom could force you to wear the same thing every single day.

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Cuz it sounds like you could use a great big hug.

Oh, love. Still got that basement for me, yeah?

My door is always open for you! Stay until you've read every book, and watched every video on the hard drive. (ha! That should keep her in SoCal for a long time!)

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LeN, you aren't lying. The way one looks over like "Hey! Look! Hey!" and the other one is "Wassup. Gotta go play harp now, though." -- very disturbing.

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Creepy twin stuff creeps me having twins in the family.

I'm not telling all of this for hairpats and ~mas, I'm just giving you context. Stress and instincts that worked in the past are pushing, and I try to tell them to go the fuck off. So one of the things I do is trying to get back here, because it's nice here and it's not something stressful and you're all nice to me and to each other. And I need more of this in my life.

It's nice here. We often take care of each other. This is good.

I'm sad tonight but I know there would be people here if I reached out.

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Sorry that you're sad, Cass. Anything my pixels can do for you?

And thanks, all. Really. As I said, hairpats and hugs aren't really the issue here - and I know I can always come here. It's more a "can't trust things that 100% worked before" and "for fuck sake, someone remind me how to relax" thing, combined with a "hi, you look like you're not busy at the moment. Let's give people and work around you crises for you to help with" from the universe. Since I'm not a person who's in touch with her feelings on a daily basis, I did need those wake up calls from my friends to slow down and take care of myself. I'm really not good with that, or living with the uncertainty that is trying to change the way I live in in order to become less stressful.

So I'm left at a point where I'm not quite sure what to do. I'm now trying not to multi-task and remember that jumping to the help of others (which is the thing that makes me feel good automatically), solving crises, and lead various initiatives was fantastic and worked in the past, but now I'm having the trouble deciding the very little things I want/have to do, and I can't seem to relax or let go of things.

For now, the main things I decided to do are: 1. no more multi-tasking, 2. trying to convey my mom that the way she communicates with me on everything is unbelievably stressful (she can't see it at all. For her it's not stress, it's life. She's also a workaholic who sleeps 4-5 hours per night and always have a project or three to do), and 3. there's my main battle: trying to get enough sleep. I set reminders to go to bed at 22:30pm on weekdays, and I just ignore them when it's time. I need to remind myself that twisting the boundaries of time is like multi-tasking, and I can't do that anymore.

It's extremely hard to change patterns that I worked hard to have in the first place. But I hope to have a calmer life in the other end of it. Honestly, I'm just happy that lots of people told me to take care of myself. I knew something isn't working anymore, but I thought it was me who is failing - not life that became harder and more demanding. Kindda like last year, which I spent with un-diagnosed mono for 4 months. I honestly thought I was just became lazy for whatever reason, and even started running to snap myself out of it. Thank God for annual blood tests (tracking my b12 levels), or else I would have damaged myself.

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It sounds like you have a good plan going forward, Shir. It is hard to strike a balance. Of course we selfishly approve of you including Buffista time in your schedule.

Multi-tasking has to happen in my life, to an extreme level, but I have at least managed to get a good amount of sleep in the schedule. This week I have managed 6 days in a row to swim at least an hour a day, which helps too.

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This week I have managed 6 days in a row to swim at least an hour a day

I'm thinking Feldenkrais for me. I got recommendations for it. I need something that's not demanding (especially after the mono) and yet counts as exercise.

It is hard to strike a balance

A part of me is so angry. I spent so much time trying to achieve that in 2006 and it worked until this year. I know it isn't so, but now it feels like it was all for nothing. A waste of time.

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