I can't imagine slowing my brain down enough to meditate right now (and I realize that the *point* of meditation is to slow my brain down, so I have a whole chicken-and-egg thing going on).

Ahahahaha! Yeah, I can relate to that. I have told myself that starting tomorrow, I am going to take 20 minutes a night to just sit and color in a coloring book. Not look at the interwebs, not work on a sewing project, not write any of the bazillion projects, but zone out and play with colored pencils.

(This doesn't start tonight, because tonight is the Neil Gaiman reading! Whoo!)

Tep, I hope your Alternative Doctor can help you in the short term.

Have fun, Jilli! I'm more than a little jealous. Your Dracula book isn't goin to go out until next week. Sorry. I was supposed to do it today, but it was a very bad day.

I'm having lunch with DX this week! Aren't you all jealous?

Your Dracula book isn't goin to go out until next week. Sorry. I was supposed to do it today, but it was a very bad day.

No worries. I completely understand very bad days. (PLease marvel at my understatement, there.)

sj, I'm so sorry. It is always sudden.

I have, but not for a long time. I can't imagine slowing my brain down enough to meditate right now (and I realize that the *point* of meditation is to slow my brain down, so I have a whole chicken-and-egg thing going on).

Actually, that's arguable. I would say the point of meditation is to notice your brain bouncing around (some buddhists call it "monkey mind", really) and thereby to realize that you are not your thoughts; you are the awareness that notices your thoughts. They call it practice for a reason. The key is not to get frustrated and beat yourself up for your monkey mind cavorting off; easier said than done, but then practicing *not* beating yourself up is also valuable. And if coloring provides the focus you need, or counting breaths, or guided meditations - use whatever works.

Basically, if you were good at meditating you wouldn't need to meditate, you know? The practice is the point of it.

Also - if your anxiety is too great for you to meditate, that's okay, too. And I mean this "you" in a very general sense, not trying to pick on Teppy.

*NB - My current meditation practice consists of listening to Tara Brach when I'm freaking out, and noticing when I'm mean to myself. I would like to get back to an actual daily practice (even 5 minutes) but not enough to make it happen yet.

Thanks, Smonster. It's just really weird timing. My great uncle passed away two years ago this week, and my grandmother passed away 20 years ago tomorrow on my 16th birthday. The twentieth anniversary thing is hitting me really hard, and I just don't know if I'm up for attending a wake and a funeral right now. I've been really trying to look forward to my birthday week at Mom's, but right now I wish I could hide under my bed instead. Sorry, I just had to get all of that out someplace safe before I arrive at Mom's. We're on our way now. TCG is driving.

That's what we're here for. Sending you lots of ~ma right now, to you and your whole family.

Thanks. I sound like a selfish bitca in my previous post. I really do feel bad about the friend that died as well and his family. It's just all mixed up in my head right now.

Meditating you say? I have never been successful at it, but it really would be nice if my brain would just be quiet sometimes.

Take care, sj. It's just really hard, no matter what.

What Zen and smonster said, sj. Do take care of yourself, and you have my ~mas. This isn't selfish bitch, this is self preservation in difficult times.

I hope things went well after all, sj.

Say hello to DX, and give him my regards. Tell him we miss him.