I'm already working up a check list of things to talk to the old friend about.
As an introvert who hates small talk, this is seriously a good idea. It's also very thoughtful, because it shows you remember stuff about them.
It's also why I try to scan the headlines for sports stuff, so I can throw out a comment like "The Bengals made the playoffs by sheer luck!" and people nod as if I know what in the hell I'm talking about. (I can't follow it up, of course, but usually one comment is all I need to contribute.)
People who never shut the fuck up are really comforting to me, because I don't have to worry about holding up my end of the small talk. They drive other people nuts, but I stick to them like glue and just occasionally have to say, "And how did you learn to do THAT?" And they talk for 25 more minutes without taking a breath.
Oh, and:
I feel proud of myself for successfully impersonating a "normal" person
I feel like this about 95% of the time I have to interact with anyone other than Tim or our besties, who are weird socially awkward introverts like me. I feel like I learned how to behave socially from TV and movies, and I'm really just playacting "normal social human."
It's kind of depressing to realize that most of my meat friends are people I met through Hubby. Our friends think of me as a witty conversationalist, but I'm having to learn how to do this without my extroverted conversation-hog to use as a springboard. Ah, well, personal growth and all that jazz.
Shir how did you send the crosses? I haven't received them or any noteam on my door.
Thanks for the pants recommendation. We have an LL Bean here and I'll hAve to check ththe sizing. Last time I tried on Bean pants they were too short in the stride.
I feel like I am a twin to both Steph and Connie.
I feel like I learned how to behave socially from TV and movies, and I'm really just playacting "normal social human."
I totally did this. Deliberately. I watched movies and imitated what people did and tried to understand why people reacted the way they did so I'd do it all at the right times. It really was like studying an alien culture. Or alien species, sometimes.
most of my meat friends are people I met through Hubby.
For most of my life, my meatspace friends were almost all people I met through my significant others, or co-workers. The exception was G., my BFF. Now I have three other friends I've met all on my own and I feel so proud of them, like I accomplished them.
I stick to them like glue and just occasionally have to say, "And how did you learn to do THAT?" And they talk for 25 more minutes without taking a breath.
And they think you are an excellent conversationalist!
Like most introverts, small talk baffles me. I can fake small talk, but on the inside I'm saying "So, conversation about nothing. This person actually seems interested in my random statements about local road development and how it disrupts life. Now we're talking about cars. Why?"
I've concluded that what we talk about is not what really matters to people. It's the conversation itself that's important, not its content, because the interaction is the human equivalent of grooming each other's fur. We can talk about anything at all, no matter how trivial, that's of some mutual interest and doesn't stir negative emotions, and with the right body language and eye contact
(watch movies, practice in mirror)
we've bonded! and the other person will think you're a friendly and nice person and will vouch for your character at the trial. I mean, will consider you a part of her community.
Humans are so difficult. No wonder the aliens are still studying us after all these years.
will vouch for your character at the trial.
To counter the give-away "she was quiet and kept to herself" tendencies.
I heart this conversation, nodding and pointing, though I realize pointing is socially frowned upon. I think the art of conversation is listening well enough to discover someone's hobby or thing they are engaged in, and asking a key question or two. Then all you need do is smile and nod, and maybe offer the canape tray with interogatorily raised eyebrows.
Another thing I'm getting over is not thinking "My friend wants to have lunch Friday. There goes Friday for doing anything productive." It's lunch. Two hours tops. One lunch isn't sufficient to set off such shockwaves that I can't do other useful things in the day.
I feel like such a grown up when I manage multiple errands in the wide world in a day.
Edit: I feel like we should gather this conversation and release it with the title "Practical Introversion: How to Face the World Without Being Outed as Weird."
