I just got a call about the PET scan I had Tuesday. The cancer is responding to the chemo! It's shrinking! Go, chemo, go!

Yay!!!

I can't contribute to the editing since I have written a paper in a long time.

But YAY Ginger! Go Chemo! Keep on working.

That's about as enthuastic as I've been able to be all day.

Will drove me to therapy, we dropped stuff off at Goodwill (there was a notice "Effective December 1, 2014 we will no longer be accepting donations of CRT (tube) tvs." - guess no one wants those any more), went to see the shrink, went to lunch, went to the grocery store.

The shrink's advice. Take Benadryl to help sleep and don't think about being stressed out and work on it in therapy. And then I had blood work done with Lithium levels and I know allthe blood work was sent to him. He asks me if I'ad had it done. I told him yes, awhile back. He finds the paper from September with no lithium. I saw him in September, when we talked about the blood work,I saw him in Octber (but not November becuase I had to move that appointment today) and it was a big fucking surprsie to him that the blood work didn't have lithium levels. DUDE ! We met in September after the blood work was done, why didn't you notice it then?

By that time I was defensive and didn't want to hear his advice and whatever.

In the grocery store I wanted to get some fresh veggies, I have a ton of frozen stuff, but I thought some fresh fennel would be nice, but I was in the back of the store and looked at how far away the produce was and told Will to fuck it. I would go without rather than walking that far or standing until he went and got it.

Then we came back to my place where I took a two hour nap because all of that just phsyically wiped me out. And I'm trying realy hard not to frek out or stress about tomorrow and something that Dr. C brought up is I need to stress about things less and not think about them.

Which dude, I know. Working on it in therapy doesn't have short term effects and pointing out that I need to stop doing that just makes me feel worse and makes me more anxious. If there was a magical off swithc I would have turned it off a long time ago.

I have to open tomorrow and I guess I'm just going to go in and talk to the manager on duty and try to be as honest as possible and tell them I can stay as long as I can but if it gets to the point where I have to shuffle-limp-waddle in order to walk then I have to go home. I don't want to be like - oh have these pains in my urniary tract and blah blah (becuase no one likes to hear about that) but I will - not just pain, it feels like a serrated knife being shoved through my urethera and into my bladder and then twisted every time I take a step. (or at least it has been. I'm down to burning sensation and dull ache like I've been punched repeatedly in the kidneys)

The shrink's advice. Take Benadryl to help sleep and don't think about being stressed out

Your shrink sucks. I mean, yeah, benadryl can help with sleep, but it's clearly a bigger problem for you. And "don't think about being stressed out"? Oh, okay! How many years did he go to school to dispense that radical groundbreaking advice?

askye, can you get a new shrink? Maybe one with a real medical degree?

As my mother says, somebody gets a C-.

Hooray, chemo! Cancer, GTFO and don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

I love when I see a jump in posts then find it is great news. Are you getting any more energy back, Ginger? I know that it has been a very tough year, understatement.

Here's the deal, the shrink is mostly anti medication. I'm seeing him because he's literally the only one I could find in all of Chittenden county that didn't have a wait list.

I was going to start in Jan, but starting next week I'm going to ask my therapist if she has any suggestion for different psychiatrists where I can get on a waiting list.

If I hadn't moved out of St Albans I would still be seeing my awesome psychiatrist, but I can't move back there it's just not feasible. He worked at a federally funded health center and they only serve 2 counties. There's a federally funded health center here but it's got a huge waiting list and almost all the psychatrists in the area work with them.

I'm having stress related dreams and I told him that I'm not getting any rest becuase I'm stressed in my sleep and when I'm awake. He's big advice was "don't dwell on them." I don't actual dwell on them, but when I'm asleep and trying to scale an ice ledge or drive my car up a hill that has a 90 degree angle, or any of the other impossible taks my brain creates for me I can't actually stop it until I wake up. And then I don't feel rested because I'm having these types of dreams.

I'm giving the Benadryl a week. If it doesn't work I'm calling him back, if he won't see me I'll call my GP and see if they would be willing to prescribe Ambien. I think a slight bump in my klonopin would be the best thing, just until Jan - which is just a few weeks away - but that's giving me more prescription medicine and Dr. C doesn't like that.

There's also the issue of finding someone who takes my insurance. Before I found Dr. C, I called places and was told about waiting lists "We can't give you a time line, but a good guess would be at least 6 months" another place acted like I was a bitch for even asking and said there weren't any psychaitrists in the whole state taking new patients.

My insurance covers Drs in New York and I may branch out and try to find someone, I was kind of deserapte this summer but I'm not now. And I'm willing to drive across the lake once a month if I can find someone who isn't anti medication.

Why is someone a psychaitrist anyway if they don't like prescribing meds? I don't want to be over medicated, but just the right amount would be enough.

One of my coworkers sees the same guy and hates him and is actively looking for a new shrink. My therapist is aware of Dr. C's short comings and knows I have issues and that he has a shitty bed side manner.

askye, I'm sorry, but definitely get on one of those waiting lists as soon as possible. Also someone should tell your psychiatrist that for some people taking benadryl on a regular basis increases their depression.

So, my sister and her hubs have been fostering a 17 year old. Which is cool, and I figured would be interesting at Christmas, getting to meet her and all, she's apparently awesome. Bought her presents already. But kinda figured she's old enough that it wouldn't change things THAT much, y'know? We can take her wherever we were going to go or to see whatever we were going to see (like shopping or movies). ...but now she found out she's getting a 3 year old tomorrow. Which is totally going to change things. And I'm excited for her (they could potentially adopt the kid) but also a little freaked out that Christmas is going to be SO different--you definitely can't do the same stuff with a 3 year old!! So I'm guessing a lot less shopping, and a lot less sister-time, and probably no to our sister-tradition of going to the movies (2 or 3 of them) on Christmas Day (we'd already been discussing which ones to go to). Which makes me sad. And I feel guilty about that.