Steph, everyone is right, there's nothing wrong about the kind of selfishness you describe. We *all* feel that kind of ambivalence about someone else's job at some point. His moving is a loss for you, you are allowed to feel it and acknowledge it and not feel like a selfish jerk for it.

But I do know that feeling. When I was having trouble getting pregnant (with F) and my friend called to tell me she was pregnant, and first month they had tried too? Happy for her, but tears for me, and feeling very selfish.

Tep, I understand.(Although my brother's general lack of boundaries and, frankly, buzzkill tendencies) sometimes make that sound pretty sweet. But if it really happened, I'm sure there would be feels of many descriptions, because I do love my brother and we are working on a decent adult relationship.

And yet again I envy the people who still have real relationships with their blood family.

Man, smack me if I ever complain about not being hit on. Facebook has made me low-hanging fruit to a certain kind of shy, young subliterate.(Am I training wheels for dudes that don't make sense? the head-injured seeking a fellow-traveler with a nice rack? I'm kidding a little, but this dude does seem a bit...impaired. He could probably pass for normal in the grocery store, but one-to-one with a chick in chat? Not really.In his head, the fact that we've said "Hi" a few times is quite the correspondence and he's already "negged" me for "Not wanting to talk to me,"(If I ever find Mystery, I think I'm going to shove his hat up his ass for convincing guys that are already weird that the super-duper secret is to be rude and presumptuous too, I swear.)

How hard is it to go to my profile and be like "Buffy, huh?" or "Republicans...aren't they the WORST*(except for your brother-in-law, Buffistas) or any of ten thousand things that beat the hell out of "hey," repeated like he's a toddler and I'm the frazzled mom. They pick the crippled girl cause they can't make any effort--that's sexy.

Hil, I'm glad things are going well for you and your new guy.

Teppy, it would be strange if you weren't a little upset.

I was up early for bloodwork and ultrasound this morning, and now I am final home with my first cup of tea. It would be really nice if they had one ultrasound room dedicated to infertility without all the yay you're pregnant stuff in it.

Ugh, sj

I think the early darkness is doing unhappy things to me. I've never noticed any problem with SAD, I think it's simply that Hubby was my talisman against the dark. I sleep with a nightlight now, I always did when he was away overnight. It seems so stupid to be a competent 53-year-old woman and be afraid of the dark.

Thanks, Burrell. It's been a long day. I had to go for bloodwork again this afternoon because my hematologist wouldn't call in the bloodwork ahead of time so that I could get both done at the same time. And this second attempt did not go well at all. Tomorrow I have a free day and then back for testing at dawn on Friday (and probably Sunday too). If anyone has shiny, distracting things to post, please do.

It seems so stupid to be a competent 53-year-old woman and be afraid of the dark.

When I didn't have cats, I slept with a stuffed lion, and if I ever again don't have pets in my bed, I'll pull that little lion back out of his cozy box. He kept the ghosts away.

sj, I'm sorry this is so hard, and that things and people keep making it harder.