eta: Man, Hil. Is your doctor's office staffed exclusively by assweasels?

I sort of suspect that Hil's doctor might be like so many others, who have become part of medical groups that are constrained by pressures to get as many patients as possible to have measurements/test results that fit in one spot on a graph. While it's true that good test results often indicate good health, the BMI example is the perfect example that that metric is bullshit, since lots of people with a BMI above "normal" are healthy by all other indicators (not to mention actual clinical proof that people with BMIs in the "overweight" range live longer).

But my understanding of corporate medicine is that doctors are incentivized based on patients' test results. That's not good medicine.

It is a medical group, and the letter was clearly automated. But, seriously, "Happy birthday! Here's your BMI!"? (It also let me know that I'm due for a pap smear next year, and that I'll need a TDaP booster in 2022.

Oh, shit, I probably need a booster. I'm reasonably sure I haven't gotten boosters since I started college 25 years (egad!) ago.

askye, I hope all goes well today.

bonny, I'm glad the dogs were removed from that house.

Hil, there are tone deaf people everywhere. Even in fields where there shouldn't be.

I think I'm finally ready to read Rob's autopsy report. I didn't request a copy when it was first available because I just couldn't deal at the time, but I want to know what it says. I have to send a request to the Office of the Chief Medical Examiner in Baltimore to get it. There's still a small niggling doubt in the back of my head that I somehow contributed to his death and his parents are right. I need to see with my own two eyes that it was just his heart.

That's very brave, Maria.

Maria, let us know if we can support you in any way.

And also, SERIOUSLY, his parents SAID that? I want to be understanding and say, okay, they lost their son and were grief-stricken, but -- what shitbags.

(I know you have to know this intellectually, but -- you *didn't* contribute. There's no way you could have, short of malicious action, like poison or something. Unless you forgot to tell us you're also pure evil. But I feel confident that that's not the case.)

Jesus, his parents. What the hell.

Eh, Connie. It's taken me 2 years and 8 months to work up the courage.

Steph, yep. And they said it multiple times. The FIRST time was a few months after his death, so no immediate shock and grief-outburst excuse to fall back on. They're mean and cruel people, who demonize anyone who doesn't fall into their carefully constructed box of the proper behaviour and attitude. I saw glimpses of it in how they talked about and treated Rob's paternal grandmother, but to be fair, his grandmother is a Class-A bitch. She abandoned all 5 of her children in an orphanage in Asheville NC to run off to MI and marry an executive with Otis Elevators. Children from a previous marriage were not conducive to catching and keeping a man of a certain standard. It was all very "Flowers in the Attic" without the incest.

I just never thought I'd be the recipient. Thirteen years with Rob, and I thought I had it made in the in-laws category. We got along, they loved my family and we spent holidays together... and BAM. I hope they rot in their own hatred.

God DAMN, that is loathesome. I'm so sorry. You didn't need that on top of your own shock and grief and complicated emotions. I hope reading the autopsy will put your mind 100% at ease.

They sound like people who always assume events are someone's fault, and since it would never be theirfault, and Rob's not there to blame, you were the natural candidate. They're also scum for managing to fling enough of that swill around that a speck managed to stick. Scrape it off as quickly as possible.

Oh we hates them. Hugs and love and wine and more hugs, my dear.