I'm batting .500 in root canals -- one is still in my head, with its crown, but the other is the one where the tooth was cracked after the root canal (and where the endodontist left in an infected root), so it got pulled. I haven't decided what I'll do in the future if I ever need another root canal. I actually trust the dentist I have now, so I'll probably go with his recommendation. But I'm hoping no more root canals, period.

Okay, I am headed out for the photo shoot. I do love that they say to not style your hair or wear makeup, so all my lazy ass has to do is brush my teeth and comb my hair and go.

(I really AM feral.)

I am so sick of having moments of actually feeling good and enjoying life and then having my subconscious go "No! Life is woe and grief! How dare you enjoy things!"

My sisters.

How dare you enjoy things!

Gives stern look to the part of your brain that says not to enjoy. Everyone that loves you, here or gone, wants you to have a full and happy life. Celebrate and be grateful when you catch yourself having good moments.

My sisters! Feral or not! I never wear makeup, don't even own any, but I do love my shiny nails. If I lived somewhere that wasn't hot and humid I might consider makeup (probably not), but I just can't imagine not being able to take a cool cloth at any moment and wiping my face. There is rarely a day I don't take a paper towel or napkin to pat off sweat from my face.

I'll be happy to join the feral pack or pride, as it may be. I wore lipstick for my job interviews and it drove me nuts. And it was the Burts Bees lightly tinted lipbalm version.

It's a gorgeous day here, and I really wish my mood matched it. The whole continued unemployment thing is starting to wear. I won't hear one way or another from my two recent f2f interviews until the first week of November, at the earliest. There are a dozen or so applications out that are still well within the window of possibility, but until they contact me that's pretty moot (I've made follow-up contacts where possible). I'm feeling a bit down about it all.

Oh well. After my hair dries I'll go for a walk. And if that doesn't help my mood, maybe I'll drive to the ice-cream store that's out in the country, where I can sit on the porch and watch the cows on the hills across the way.

I will confess to wearing makeup. And scent. And doing my nails. BUT! if you brush your teeth and comb your hair you're not feral! I think feral would involve a full-time, full-body mud mask.

Dear Connie's subconscious:

Knock it off. Yes, life is sorrow, pain and woe. But it is also joy and love and happiness. Each in its measure is the best way.

Lots of love because you are part of Connie, Me.

P.S. You are supposed to be part of a survival mechanism. Don't make me come over there and explain how short and brutal life is without things like pleasure and fun and laughter.

I'm ignoring the dental talk because I'm in denial about needing to go, myself.

Also I'm a little flighty with needing to distract myself today. Sammie went to the vet's for annual shots and exam. At 13 she was due for a senior panel blood draw. Nifty on-site lab came back fast with everything but one in the normal range (Thyroid test goes to an outside lab so it'll be a few days on that). Her creatinine is just a smidge above the border of normal. So they want to do a UA to see how the urine is concentrating. There is a good possibility that Sammie is just fine, and really, I think worst case scenario is that she is at the beginning of chronic renal failure, caught early enough that with care and treatment, she still has a number of good years. But... sitting here worrying is what I'm trying not to do.

I'm so glad you people are around.

I'm running visualizations like Awkward Yeti, with Heart bouncing around after butterflies and occasionally running into Grief, a quiet shrouded figure who makes every room a little bleaker. But the butterfly is still fluttering around, catching Heart's eye. (And poor Gallbladder needs a hug and someone to appreciate the stones he makes)

Gives stern look to the part of your brain that says not to enjoy. Everyone that loves you, here or gone, wants you to have a full and happy life. Celebrate and be grateful when you catch yourself having good moments.

I just felt the need to boost the signal on Laura's wisdom.