Mal: Does she understand that? River: She understands. She doesn't comprehend.

'Objects In Space'


Spike's Bitches 48: I Say, We Go Out There, and Kick a Little Demon Ass.  

[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.


Toddson - Oct 01, 2014 10:53:10 am PDT #13521 of 30002
Friends don't let friends read "Atlas Shrugged"

I read it on her site and was a little flabbergasted. I know that I would never open up someone else's room as a con-wide party. But then, I have enough social anxiety, that I wait for explicit invitations to bring myself.

And I can understand her concern for the security of her things, having people going through what was out, having to clean up after the party, and possibly having to pay for damages.

Not sure if it's overreacting, but I can see being concerned.


Steph L. - Oct 01, 2014 10:54:43 am PDT #13522 of 30002
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine

My gut just sides with she-whose-boundaries-feel-violated, I guess.

I would, too. 100%.

quite aside from how she did or didn't handle things and with whom and when

Right; I think it could have been handled better, but that's a separate thing from feeling your boundaries were violated by what happened. She gets to have those boundaries, and she gets to have those feelings.


meara - Oct 01, 2014 11:05:12 am PDT #13523 of 30002

But I'm friends with the blogger in question and she saw the trackback here and asked me to check in.

I think I was vaguely aware of the connection, Sox--I generally quite enjoy her weekly links posts.

I wasn't intending to cast doubt on her feelings or her rights to them at all--even if she had agreed to everything to start with (which I'm not saying she did), she'd be perfectly within her rights to be upset later. And I certainly don't know any of the people involved. It was more of a question of "I go to a lot of conventions, and could totally see myself being any of the people in this situation" (person with room, since I'm often the one with a decent credit limit, roommate, person inviting myself to a "makeup party", person getting invited to said party by someone who isn't actually paying for the room, etc) and wasn't sure if my reactions in this situation would be something totally considered inappropriate by most/many/all people? The calling out by name was a bit startling as well--had she written a post being like "I did X, someone else did Y, and I feel Z about that, people should be aware that this sort of situation can engender those feelings" I'd still have the same question about if that was a common feeling, but be less taken aback by the whole post?


Dana - Oct 01, 2014 11:11:23 am PDT #13524 of 30002
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.

I think it probably has to be looked at in the context of recent drama in the sf/f fandom. There's been a lot of discussion and problems with harassment at cons, and how cons should respond to them, so that's probably contributing a vibe to the whole thing.


hippocampus - Oct 01, 2014 11:17:09 am PDT #13525 of 30002
not your mom's socks.

Meara, I hear you and understand - thanks for saying.


Maria - Oct 01, 2014 11:24:35 am PDT #13526 of 30002
Not so nice is that I'm about to ruin a Friday morning for a bunch of people because of a series of unfortunate events and an upset foreign government. - shrift

sj, I'm so sorry. Much peace and strength to your family.

I get why she's upset; I would be too, but the initial invite/discussion to the make-up party happened in a public online space. The time was then to say, "Uh no, I'm sorry, this is invite-only." Even better would have been to take it off-line completely.

I also think it's unfair not to have approached the individual directly before putting this out there. It creates drama that's completely unnecessary.

Her boundaries are hers to enforce, and she has the right to feel however she wants. I'm not of the opinion that the aftermath has been handled the best way possible.


beth b - Oct 01, 2014 11:33:08 am PDT #13527 of 30002
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!

I would be upset. However, I would have to take some responsibility for what happened. The party concept was public... And needed to be shut down


EpicTangent - Oct 01, 2014 12:53:46 pm PDT #13528 of 30002
Why isn't everyone pelting me with JOY, dammit? - Zenkitty

Yay, Jilli-dad!


Hil R. - Oct 01, 2014 3:44:46 pm PDT #13529 of 30002
Sometimes I think I might just move up to Vermont, open a bookstore or a vegan restaurant. Adam Schlesinger, z''l

Another academic job search question -- one of the people who wrote a recommendation letter for me last year said that she can't do it this year. So, I need one more teaching reference. Is it OK to ask a colleague, or does it have to be a supervisor? One of my colleagues has been running a weekly teaching discussion group that I've been a part of, and I can ask him to observe my class one day so that he'll have that to put in the letter.


brenda m - Oct 01, 2014 4:11:16 pm PDT #13530 of 30002
If you're going through hell/keep on going/don't slow down/keep your fear from showing/you might be gone/'fore the devil even knows you're there

No idea, Hil, in your world.

Being upset about the lack of clean up is totally legit. The rest? Eh.