I think it probably has to be looked at in the context of recent drama in the sf/f fandom. There's been a lot of discussion and problems with harassment at cons, and how cons should respond to them, so that's probably contributing a vibe to the whole thing.

Meara, I hear you and understand - thanks for saying.

sj, I'm so sorry. Much peace and strength to your family.

I get why she's upset; I would be too, but the initial invite/discussion to the make-up party happened in a public online space. The time was then to say, "Uh no, I'm sorry, this is invite-only." Even better would have been to take it off-line completely.

I also think it's unfair not to have approached the individual directly before putting this out there. It creates drama that's completely unnecessary.

Her boundaries are hers to enforce, and she has the right to feel however she wants. I'm not of the opinion that the aftermath has been handled the best way possible.

I would be upset. However, I would have to take some responsibility for what happened. The party concept was public... And needed to be shut down

Yay, Jilli-dad!

Another academic job search question -- one of the people who wrote a recommendation letter for me last year said that she can't do it this year. So, I need one more teaching reference. Is it OK to ask a colleague, or does it have to be a supervisor? One of my colleagues has been running a weekly teaching discussion group that I've been a part of, and I can ask him to observe my class one day so that he'll have that to put in the letter.

No idea, Hil, in your world.

Being upset about the lack of clean up is totally legit. The rest? Eh.

I actually went out and was social tonight, and even talked to strangers! Beer helped with that last part. And then I came home and started panicking about the job search. And now a guy on OKCupid who seems pretty awesome is messaging me, so now I can freak out about that, too.

OK, this CRACKED ME UP--the Go Fug Yourself recap of the first ep of How to Get Away with Murder--both for the tone (because they kept emphasizing the MUUUURRRRDER, in the same way my sister and I kept asking each other if the butcher knife in the street might be a MURRRRRDER knife), and because if you scroll down in the comments, there's some hilarious discussion of how one of the associates was Ben/Glory on Buffy!

[link]

Hil, also not familiar with your field. However, if someone submits several reference letters, it wouldn't raise my eyebrows if one came from a more senior colleague.

However, my work world involves a lot of group projects where senior non-supervisors take informal leadership roles in group projects. Your work world may be different.