As someone who has recently battled the same demons, Connie, I say Throw It Out! You'll thank yourself for it later.

These things are worse than taking up house room in your domicile. They are taking up house room in your mind. Toss 'em! It'll be like ripping off a band-aid. In this instance, the FlyLady technique of 27 Thing Fling Boogie can be brilliant. Put on whatever music means boogie to you & dance around finding 27 things to throw out . Spoiler font for FlyLady advice, on the grounds that if you want it, you can have it, but I'm not just going to willy-nilly expose someone to such relentless cheerfulness that without an escape hatch.

Another excellent resource for dealing with clutter is Unfuck Your Habitat.

Another vote for throwing it out. Or if it has any value Goodwill or some such. Unburden yourself. Stop dragging that stuff into the future.

Why isi tossing junk SO DAMNED DIFFICULT? Because seriously. So inordinately difficult.

I'm feeling much better. I even went outside for the first time post-surgery that wasn't specifically for a medical appointment. I walked around the block. Literally, once around my block. It was shockingly difficult but felt great. Then I took to my bed with an ice pack for a little nap. Also, going outside is really a shock to perception of druged-uppedness. SItting inside i've gotten to feel pretty normal on 2mg dilaudid every 4 hrs. A little drunk, sure, not like I want to go drive a car or operate heavy machinery or pick up a kistka or try to draw a straight line, but just over tipsy. When I stepped outside and took a few straight steps on the sidewalk? Suddently felt REALLY DRUGGED Up. I am so ready to stop taking this nasty stuff, just need my abdomen to get onboard with the plan and stop dropping me with random bouts of "OMG, been repeatedly stabbed in the gut! Commence misery!". Seems like 11 days should have been plenty of time to come to terms with this new reality. Funny how the liver surgeon made this resection seem like a walk in the park ("couple days in the hospital, back to normal in a couple weeks!") while the hip surgeon told me i'd be overtime of comission for months. But then I was odd pain meds and feeling sore but mostly normal in a week after hip surgery while the abdominal surgery has been a major struggle in pain mangement. Of course, it might have been easier had I been in prime physical condition going into it. *Shrug* Bodies continue to be strange and unpredictable.

That reminds me, I gotta take a bag of stuff to Goodwill today.

Erin, bodies heal at their own pace. I was on Percoset for almost a month until that stupid kidney stone passed, and you had a serious surgery.

Doctors can give such conflicting advice. I'm grateful my sister's BFF is an experienced critical care and cardiac nurse, because I'll often call her and say "The doc says x amount of time, or whatever," and she'll be all "Yeah, no; more like y," or confirm.

It makes me feel much better.

I hate weekends. Friday was our day to do things. Now it's two days in the house surrounded by my old life and trying to carve out something new. I bounce between cautious anticipation and so much of "why the hell bother."

I know this is all standard and that it will get better--I hope--but damn.

I ask myself "What would you be doing if he was here?" And honestly, not much more than what I do do. With his health, I'd always be worried, and in all fairness, I expect this only happened a few years earlier than it would have anyway.

Nobody wants to go through the coping, we always want to have coped. I just have to keep telling myself that I will get to Have Coped. But he was my bulwark against the world. Having him around didn't change events, but I had him at my back. This being in the midst of Coping sucks.

Nobody wants to go through the coping, we always want to have coped. I just have to keep telling myself that I will get to Have Coped.

Yes, this. Very much this.

Nobody wants to go through the coping, we always want to have coped. I just have to keep telling myself that I will get to Have Coped.

You will. You are facing this bravely and it's going to get easier. It's not going to go away but one day it won't define every hour.

What Cass said, Connie. You are incredibly brave.