Another cousin has joined the herbal suplement ponzi scheme and started posting non-stop about it.

Oh g-d. Now that it's all over, I'm all kinds of nerves and paranoid, did I ask enough questions? (He covered SO MUCH of what I was prepared to talk about and ask about during the tour!) I'm actually kind of worried that I didn't come off sounding technical enough. I was ready to talk about what kind of system the theatre was going to need from top to bottom, because that was in the extended description, but he's totally hired an outside company to do that, and so a bunch of stuff I was going to talk about was irrelevant.

Argh. I'm sure I did great, but I'm having a post interview crash.

Sean, it's so easy for the brain to churn and churn and generate all kinds of worst case scenarios while waiting to hear something. I try to recognize that the brain generates thoughts like the intestines generate gas - it's kind of uncomfortable but it'll pass if you let it.

Haha! Thanks, smonster! That's good.

smonster, that is a brilliant way of thinking of the brain churn! I need to remember that.

Sean, ignore the brain raccoons. I bet the interview went very well.

So, brain farts?

I've been up since 2am, thinking about life and things I need to, but have not done, for far too long.

In the course of this cogitation, I decided to do a 10 day media fast, put my head down and get certain things done. These are arduous things...scary things...things I'm not even sure I can do. But putting them off and burying my head in the virtual sand isn't advancing my cause, so I need to do _something_.

I blithely googled 'block websites' and came up with Self Control, the freeware that blocks on a timer, that like a bank vault, cannot be broken until the timer goes off...not even if you delete the program.

Right then, my conviction came to a screeching halt. No facebook for 10 days? No hulu? No tv? No dog shaming? NO B.ORG?

I think I might block everything BUT b.org. I don't think I can make it for 10 days without you all.

All this is to say, I am going even darker than I have been lurky lately. So, if anyone needs me, please email me.

And, more than anything, wish me luck. It seems silly to say that I'm scared to let go, but that's the truth.

What I'm hoping for is that, over the next 10 days, I will have written the letters, sought the counsel, had the conversations, read the books, sold the stuff and eliminated as much stress from my life as I humanly can. Such that, the day after Independence Day, I will feel much more independent!

Honestly, I feel kind of stupid even saying this...as if I'm standing on the train platform, waving goodbye as I toddle off to summer camp. Don't forget me, k?!".

Ugh. Sometimes being an adult is weird.

Bonny, I wish you all the best on the sabbatical. You have planted a seed in my head as well. The stress level and lack of focus has wreaked havoc on my productivity. I look forward to hearing of your success!

Sean! I hope you hear the good news soon. I love smonsters analogy.

Sean, if the guy would scarcely let you get a word in, take it as a good sign.

bonny, our love goes with you wherever and however you go. Be well, and do what you have to do. Best of luck, and good vibes to you.

Brave, bonny! We're with you even if you aren't here!