A sit-in of pacifists?

Thanks. It has not been a rare occasion that I have been considered a fool for my hard line views on physical altercations. My world is filled with huge testosterone filled athletes and most of them consider mixing it up physically to be normal. I'm happy to report that I find most of them have a huge respect and understanding of the potential for harm and have learned early on to channel their emotions in other ways.

My parents were very gentle people and I can't imagine my siblings ever having physical fights, but chances are we did as kids and mom put an end to it. I honestly don't remember my boys ever fighting physically. Of course they would have known better than to do so in front of me! And it isn't like they like each other much.

My little sister and I would scrap as kids, but it was mostly wrestling and sitting on each other, but she had fingernails and I never did...I was a nail biter...And mom and dad would make us stop if they saw it.

I got spanked a few times when I was a kid, mostly when I did something horribly disrespectful, or something so dangerous I'd scared the shit out of my folks. I got slapped only once. When I was a teenager. I said something so ride and horrible to my dad, and he just slapped me. I think he was more shocked than I was.

Argh. I don't know if you guys remember me ranting about the friend/acquaintance (I'm rapidly leaning towards "acqaintance" and possibly "person I know") who was shitty and rude about not being invited to the wedding. Well, she's posting more shitty passive-aggressive stuff on FB, and I am done with her shit.

We have an acquaintance -- Tim has known them longer, so he may put them in the category of friends -- who had a stroke 3 weeks ago. Her condition was really grave for awhile, and now she's in ICU. We haven't visited, because (1) when someone is that gravely ill and they aren't close to me, I tend to give them privacy because I don't want to intrude, and (2) we're not close to them; I don't really visit people in the hospital unless I'm close to them. (This may be a piece of etiquette I missed. I mean that seriously, not as snark.)

So FB lady posted a public post about how "a lot of us" had a mutual friend who had a stroke but only one "friend" (the scare quotes are hers) has visited, and you can tell who your real friends are in a crisis, etc., etc., and she's so grateful she has people back in her home state she can call friends.

Fuck her. That is so passive-aggressive and shitty. I am so over her shit.

(I am serious about the etiquette question, though -- do people visit acquaintances in the hospital? We really don't know these people well. That seems weird and intrusive. Put it this way: if the roles were reversed, *I* wouldn't expect or want them to visit me in the hospital. But I guess I should?)

If the person is in ICU, I'm pretty sure they prefer visits to be family only, though it's hard to check for that. They definitely prefer the number of visitors is low.

If they're in a regular room and not feeling too miserable, a quick drop-in can be pleasant. But if you're not someone who sees them very often, I would think it weird to go visit them.

Sounds like the "friend" is very ignorable.

I think if I were an acquaintance maybe a card or email but not a visit because I don't tend to like a lot of visitors when I'm in the hospital but I like to know people are thinking of me.

If the person is in ICU, I'm pretty sure they prefer visits to be family only, though it's hard to check for that. They definitely prefer the number of visitors is low.

I thought so, too! (My caps lock was on when I started typing that, so I looked really emphatic!) Yes, I'm not close to these people, so it doesn't feel appropriate to visit at a really vulnerable time, but I have a little experience with the ICU (thanks, Dad), and I was pretty sure visitors were really restricted.

Sounds like the "friend" is very ignorable.

I am so over her shit. She's very judgmental and inflexible. Obviously.

Also, if I'm ever in the ICU, you guys are all welcome to visit me (but it's not a requirement as proof of our friendship). But don't make a special trip or anything. We can Skype.

I don't visit people I don't know well in the hospital. I might send a card if I thought it wouldn't be weird. I'm not the sort of person who can sit down beside an ill/injured person and gabble brightly and cheer them up. I never know what to say to people who are hurting, mainly because I can't force platitudes and dishonest words of hope out of my mouth. My visits are awkward and I can't stay long, and I don't think my discomfort helps them any. I guess there's a reason I don't have many friends.

When I was in the hospital, I wanted people to care, but not necessarily to come visit. I felt vulnerable and exhausted and I wanted to be left alone even more than usual. I was scared, but no one was going to be able to help me with that.

And see, if what FB lady thought was that people should be given privacy when they're in ICU, and "friends" dared to visit, she'd be all up in people's shit about that. MAYBE STOP JUDGING OH MY GOD. You don't get to go to everyone's wedding. Not everyone is friends in the same way. Not everyone expresses friendship in the same way. That's all okay.