omg...lower case, since nothing is actually wrong. I am SO headed for a nap at an ill-advised time of day, but I am so deeply in IDevenGAF right now, I can't be bovvered.

I'm certain I'll feel better when I wake and can, perhaps get something done.

I love that my house is so welcoming and I DO welcome people...BUT, earlier today a good friend just walked in the door, unexpectedly...while I had another visitor...toting her lunch along because she needed to be out of her house for a bit.

Glad to be a sanctuary from chaos...even gladder that I'd picked the place up this morning and was not in any kind of compromising position.

Then again, it's been so long since I've been in a position to compromise...

lord. I need to sleep. I hope your nap helped, Steph!

Not too much info for me, sj. I hope this finding comforts you in any way you need it to.

Many years ago, on the tv show Life Goes On(of all places) was when I first heard the notion that not every soul is meant to stay.

Despite my rampant agnosticism...my motto is "Believe nothing but entertain all possibilities"...I do find that concept comforting.

It was no comfort to me after my miscarriages, but apparently there is quite a large percentage of pregnancies that just don't make it because of some issue or another.

I'm sorry, sj. I hope it helps to know a reason.

I know I should be comforted, but right now I'm not.

Quite understandable.

sj, I wish I could make comfort happen, but all I can do is say I'm so sorry.

I have no fucks left to give today, except wanting to keep my job, so I'm going to meet my deadline, even if it is more half-assed than my usual quality of work. And then ALL THE DRUGS. Well, no, just one. And maybe GotG later tonight.

This is basically my feeling and also my plan for today. The monthly super-headache started today right on schedule and I am over it. "It" being just about everything. I've been dealing with a sharp descent into depression all summer, and while I think I'm dealing okay, doing therapy and getting back on antiDs and all, it's taking all my spoons to just make my life function right now.

This is my version of a break-through: I let my sister come over to my house last night without cleaning up first. I warned her the place is a total mess, and she was welcome to come over as long as she didn't say a word about it. The couch is clean and she can clear off a kitchen counter herself. And she did! She didn't even try to clean anything! That's her version of a break-through.

I may invite her to go see GotG with me. She might not like it. I'll warn her. But she liked Avengers, so who knows. I'll pay for her ticket.

Forget the 'shoulds' sj, grief takes its own course. I'm sorry.

Good on ya, Zen. On both of you, really.

I wish I could get to that place!

With the house being for sale I have had to maintain a certain level of perfection because in theory someone could want to see it any time. I wish. This was impossible with the dog and Bobby here, but has been pretty easy with just the two of us. Here's hoping rude people don't go into cabinets too much. God do I dread the first open house today.

Seriously proud of myself though. Every single morning the bed gets made. All dishes get rinsed and put in the dishwasher and a survey of the floors with little broom takes place. I got it down to about 15 minutes.

Decades ago I was miss neat nick, but that went away long ago. Now my office and desk, hahahahahahaha. Disaster area.

I have no idea if any of the neat behavior will stick when the house sells. Both my sisters and my mom have hoarding issues, and delightful accumulations of books, magazines, newspapers. It is pretty normal and comfy for me, But at the moment the stark thing is pretty nice.

It was rambling enough in one post. Two is way too much.