I loved Cheaper by the Dozen and Belles on their Toes. I'd never really thought of Lillian as flighty in the first one -- more that she chose her battles well. There were several places in the book where she put her foot down about something, and Frank listened to her. She went along with most of the crazy stuff he came up with not because she couldn't exert her will, but because she loved him, and knew that his crazy plans and ideas were part of what made him the man she loved.

I think widow is a powerful word, both emotionally and socially. I wish I could lay claim to the word widow, it would feel validating, I guess. But the life partner I lost was a woman back in the early 90s, so we weren't legally married, so I can't legally be a widow. It left me in a sort of limbo; saying "I lost my best friend" is sad but it doesn't carry the same emotional weight. Being able to say you're a widow, people get it, they understand your pain (or they think they do anyway) and you don't have to explain.

I don't see where losing Stephen would have been any less or more if legal marriage were not a factor. Widow is an amputation of a part of you. A person can most certainly be a part of you without the state deeming it so.

Being able to say you're a widow, people get it, they understand your pain (or they think they do anyway) and you don't have to explain.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but yes, I do have an automatic privilege that others don't. It's an ancient badge, and it should be available to anyone who lost someone that close. In medieval times, widowhood was almost considered the best state for a woman. She generally held her own property, she had done what was seen as a woman's prime job, that of getting married--though that was contingent on having kids. A childless widow without property was a very sad creature. The Cadfael story "The Rose Rent" paints a good picture.

Tap, tap, tap.

Is this thing on?

Hi.

Hello. I sure as heck needed a nap after Daniel's aunt's funeral. I feel better now.

Funerals are indeed exhausting. How is Daniel doing?

The funeral seemed to give some catharsis. Daniel seems a bit better. I felt some compassion for the funeral director - poor fellow hadn't reckoned on the Jensen clan tendency to stand around talking instead of allowing themselves to be herded. So the migration to the graveside took longer to get in motion than most and the reverse journey was also pretty straggly. The gathering after was a nice (if overwhelming for me) mini-reunion. It was lovely to meet some more cousins, though, and hold the new baby (Daniel's great-nephew).

So a good friend came by, sharing memories and planning ways to remember him in the future, and it wasn't a comfort. It just underscored that he's not going to be here. Don't wanna don't wanna don't wanna.

The only way through is through.

Our "son" is taking me to the movies tomorrow. Don't wanna. But they're just showing me they love me.

Throwing things will only result in a mess I have to clean up.