Allyson,

what happens if you don't cancel the appts? if you won't have to pay out of pocket, I say fuck it. don't engage. You didn't make the appt, so why go through the bullshit of canceling?

hell, even if you DO have to pay out of pocket, make them bill you and you deal with it when you have more spoons.

canceling appts you did not make should be the lowest of the low on your priority list.

canceling appts you did not make should be the lowest of the low on your priority list.

An excellent point. OTOH, if it feels like something you can deal with, it might be satisfying to deal with it? I have no idea, but lots of caring-about-you, Allyson.

That is great, JZ!

sarameg, if you want to give Devi half a scrambled egg, divide it after cooking. The other half will be fine in the fridge.

Ugh. I am so sorry I wigged out over such a tiny thing. They ask me every time I go if I would like yo attend a group, and every time I say no. I've been living with this for 28 years. I know me. I'm the world's foremost expert on me. I said no. They did it anyway. This means that they weren't listening. It's just indicative of badness. I can't afford to lose hope, and tiny things seem so big.

It's not that tiny, really. It's totally appalling that people don't seem to be listening to you and certainly aren't helping.

I think that's a reasonable response. It's infuriating to not be heard when the foremost thing you need is TO BE HEARD. It wastes your spoons.

Firestorm here at work. But really, it is just the lighting. I'm just going to hide under my desk.

Allyson, can you deal with it by email? Like, fire off an angry message to whomever made that appointment, tell them how you feel about that and that you don't intend to pay for it, and let them deal with it? At least you wouldn't have to sit on hold waiting to fix their mistake.

I hate group therapy, too. I came out of it with a bitter loathing for everyone there, especially the "facilitator".

Oh, Allyson, that sucks mightily. While I have known people who found group therapy surprisingly helpful - I've known exactly two, and aside from also being human-shaped mammals neither had much of anything in common with you. You know yourself best, that's ridiculous, and no need to apologize for blowing up over something that seems small in retrospect. When you're on the edge, every grain of sand feels like a boulder.

I'm vibing hard that either your care team demonstrates some actual *caregiving,* or that you randomly stumble on the psych-issues version of the resident I stumbled on (and ita's blessed Santa Monica ER staff), who randomly reads your records and randomly talks to you and randomly listens, and then actually DOES SHIT THAT WORKS.

Not trying to be obnoxious, but maybe try it? Because it seems that doing what you're doing isn't working so great. Although, there is a thing that happens in groups sometimes where they get sort of self-perpetuating, but that was after say, a year of monthly sessions. Of course, ymmv.

Much snow outside. Many idiots behind steering wheels. People! I'm leaving three times the recommended amount of space before the car in front of me for a reason! And it's not so you can say "Oh, I can zip into that spot and hit the brakes and skid! Whee!" You are in a Toyota Corolla, not a snow cat! You cannot maneuver in snow!

But then there are the people who are going "Stuff! Falling from the sky! Where is the road! Must creep along in idle!" And now I have to drive home in this later.

Uggghhhh. Remember my enormous work clusterfuck of last month? There's a new, related, even bigger clusterfuck now. I am just trying to keep my head down and not get blamed for stuff that isn't my fault.