In unrelated news, WE STILL HAVE FUCKING FLEAS. I am about to lose my mind. Our vet so far has only given us pills for the cats to kill the fleas, and Frontline, but they haven't mentioned doing a flea dip. Those who have dealt with fleas in the past, have you done a flea dip? Is that done anymore? If it's still an option, I'm at the point where I just want to bomb these fuckers from orbit.

20 Mule Team Borax for all floors and major furnishings. Leave on half an hour (I'd do an hour or two and just go to the park since I don't know how mobile Rose is) and vacuum up. You can sprinkle just a little on carpets and leave it. Only thing that ever killed an infestation once I'd treated the cats with the yucky but effective chemicals. And it's just boron. Desiccates the fleas and destroys the eggs.

This week, I really wonder what my grandfather actually did at the NSA.

I wonder what my uncle did at Los Alamos. Beyond the "nuclear physics" that is common knowledge. But then we have some conversations and I think maybe I don't want to know. Talking to him yesterday evening about the helium shortage lead to some searches that probably would raise eyebrows. If only because I started out that search very specifically. But it won't be the weirdest thing I've googled so I took a hit for the team.

Consuela, I was kind of watching to see if Mom was eating (she is again) and sleeping (not so much still but if she gets a couple few hours, I still call it within understandable limits) and doing anything involving other people (which she really has and that is a huge step in early mourning of a spouse) like walking with friends or having a meal or even talking on the phone. It is a really rough road. I am glad your Dad has you and your siblings.

I think the transition when the spouse needed really constant care, even when there was other help, adds some guilt too. Because suddenly you can go for a walk or lunch and that freedom was so dearly bought. The guilt part is just my supposition.

And, personally, I try to let any of the answers be okay. Didn't get much sleep? That happens. Ate cereal twice and that was all? Probably an easy way to eat something. A status report more than judging the answer at all.

And, with Mom, she tells me more that way. I'd rather hear that she's really sad and misses Dad even when I can see she emailed me at 3 am and I know she can't sleep. But everyone is obviously different and are willing to open up in different scenarios.

Be sure to take care of yourself too. It's easy to try and focus on other people and ignore yourself. But that leads to things like actually getting the flu. Far better to take a day and watch DVDs before you end up sick or worn out.

That's a lot of hard-won knowledge, Cass.

FTR, I brought French 75s to this party last year.

You want I should hunt someone down?

I kinda do! But the the big spending was at Heads & Threads so I'm thinking it might be Sydney Bristow, so that might be too much trouble. Especially since you have elephants to light.

I like that t-shirt. But I wouldn't want someone to look at my abdomen long enough to read all the text, so I probably wouldn't wear it.

Yesterday I rented a rug doctor and shampooed all the carpets. Which meant moving most of the furniture. And then moving it back. Thanks to the magic of ibuprofen I don't even hurt today. And six years of coffee drips and tracked in potting soil are gone!

But "dressed as a guy" isn't androgyny either, is it?

I don't think you can reach androgyny without leaving the "dressed as a woman" territory, and is there anywhere else to head towards other than "dressed like a guy"? We don't really allow for "well, they're dressed as a jellyfish--that's pretty gender agnostic from this angle"

Hair is a pretty useful signifier, but we also get used to the Fabios and Khal Drogos of the world, where long hair is associated with uber manliness.

Slightly related--how come some black women have my haircut, but pretty much zero white women do as a matter of course? It's about the only hairstyle which both of us can wear identically, at least for a month ago, but although it's an accepted outlier for me, for a white woman it would have all sorts of social signifiers that I think I get away without.

Or do I?

I work with a woman who has your haircut, ita. She just started, so I don't know her very well yet.

Edit: a white woman. She is probably mid-20s and uses a somewhat androgynous name (Jesse) and dresses pretty regular - not girly, but not notably boyish either. Tees and khakis, sort of.

This was said at work today: "Once we get the elephants on stage, we'll be focusing lights to them." Yep.

Aida?

I was kind of watching to see if Mom was eating (she is again) and sleeping (not so much still but if she gets a couple few hours, I still call it within understandable limits) and doing anything involving other people (which she really has and that is a huge step in early mourning of a spouse) like walking with friends or having a meal or even talking on the phone. It is a really rough road. I am glad your Dad has you and your siblings.

I think the transition when the spouse needed really constant care, even when there was other help, adds some guilt too. Because suddenly you can go for a walk or lunch and that freedom was so dearly bought. The guilt part is just my supposition.

We've seen a lot of this with Tim's dad. It'll be 3 years in August, and he still lives alone (emphatically his choice), in a house on a lot of land, so he has neighbors, but not very close by, so he's gone through immediate grief to loneliness and a constant low-grade gnawing depression. He's 76 now, and he has some early signs of dementia setting in (forgetting to pay bills, forgetting other short-term-ish things), but he still refuses to move. Which I understand, but -- a retirement community where he could live independently but have company around when he chooses would probably do him a world of good.

In the light of day, I think that person is ridiculous and probably full of shit, because isn't androgyny mostly about displaying both genders? I mean, it's right there in the word! So wearing a suit and tie and makeup is androgynous.

I work with a woman who has your haircut, ita

Is it remarkable because I brought it up, or is it unusual in and of itself? I'm trying to imagine white or Asian women with 2mm of hair, around my age or older, conservatively dressed, perhaps with kids, and it doesn't feel like I'm reaching for the memory centres of my brain.

I'm trying to imagine white or Asian women with 2mm of hair, around my age or older, conservatively dressed, perhaps with kids, and it doesn't feel like I'm reaching for the memory centres of my brain.

It's certainly a more common look with black women and has a longer cultural history. Though one of the older white women teachers at Matilda's school rocks a buzzcut.