But "dressed as a guy" isn't androgyny either, is it?

I don't think you can reach androgyny without leaving the "dressed as a woman" territory, and is there anywhere else to head towards other than "dressed like a guy"? We don't really allow for "well, they're dressed as a jellyfish--that's pretty gender agnostic from this angle"

Hair is a pretty useful signifier, but we also get used to the Fabios and Khal Drogos of the world, where long hair is associated with uber manliness.

Slightly related--how come some black women have my haircut, but pretty much zero white women do as a matter of course? It's about the only hairstyle which both of us can wear identically, at least for a month ago, but although it's an accepted outlier for me, for a white woman it would have all sorts of social signifiers that I think I get away without.

Or do I?

I work with a woman who has your haircut, ita. She just started, so I don't know her very well yet.

Edit: a white woman. She is probably mid-20s and uses a somewhat androgynous name (Jesse) and dresses pretty regular - not girly, but not notably boyish either. Tees and khakis, sort of.

This was said at work today: "Once we get the elephants on stage, we'll be focusing lights to them." Yep.

Aida?

I was kind of watching to see if Mom was eating (she is again) and sleeping (not so much still but if she gets a couple few hours, I still call it within understandable limits) and doing anything involving other people (which she really has and that is a huge step in early mourning of a spouse) like walking with friends or having a meal or even talking on the phone. It is a really rough road. I am glad your Dad has you and your siblings.

I think the transition when the spouse needed really constant care, even when there was other help, adds some guilt too. Because suddenly you can go for a walk or lunch and that freedom was so dearly bought. The guilt part is just my supposition.

We've seen a lot of this with Tim's dad. It'll be 3 years in August, and he still lives alone (emphatically his choice), in a house on a lot of land, so he has neighbors, but not very close by, so he's gone through immediate grief to loneliness and a constant low-grade gnawing depression. He's 76 now, and he has some early signs of dementia setting in (forgetting to pay bills, forgetting other short-term-ish things), but he still refuses to move. Which I understand, but -- a retirement community where he could live independently but have company around when he chooses would probably do him a world of good.

In the light of day, I think that person is ridiculous and probably full of shit, because isn't androgyny mostly about displaying both genders? I mean, it's right there in the word! So wearing a suit and tie and makeup is androgynous.

I work with a woman who has your haircut, ita

Is it remarkable because I brought it up, or is it unusual in and of itself? I'm trying to imagine white or Asian women with 2mm of hair, around my age or older, conservatively dressed, perhaps with kids, and it doesn't feel like I'm reaching for the memory centres of my brain.

I'm trying to imagine white or Asian women with 2mm of hair, around my age or older, conservatively dressed, perhaps with kids, and it doesn't feel like I'm reaching for the memory centres of my brain.

It's certainly a more common look with black women and has a longer cultural history. Though one of the older white women teachers at Matilda's school rocks a buzzcut.

We have Sparky and K and J at the beach. We are pleased.

for a white woman it would have all sorts of social signifiers that I think I get away without.

I think that's true. Very few of the white women I know in the hair fetish community feel like they can just shave or buzz their heads the way they prefer. Aside from family/social pressure against it, most think it's a look that would be deemed unacceptable and unprofessional at work.

Yeah, most white women/girls I know would simply balk at having hair that short. But I do see it more on older women now, or a slightly longer variation thereof.

This was said at work today: "Once we get the elephants on stage, we'll be focusing lights to them."

Without the lights, no one would notice the elephants.