Looks like we'll probably be moving Mom to a SNF in the not-too-distant future. Caring for her is killing Dad, and the % of time she doesn't recognize him is ratcheting upwards.

She's also awful. But that's not new. It's just more constant.

Thank fuck, my brother the doctor is coming out tomorrow to consult. And we're all agreed that brain surgery is off the table.

I have to go find that article about how doctors die, again: they don't keep running around for more treatment. And they die peacefully and not drawn out, after months or years of pain.

hormones and obligation.

Sounds like parenthood to me.

Looks like we'll probably be moving Mom to a SNF in the not-too-distant future.

I think that would be a very good thing. That's where we moved my mom when the time came, not because she was mobile (she wasn't) but she needed the high level of nursing care.

I have to go find that article about how doctors die, again: they don't keep running around for more treatment. And they die peacefully and not drawn out, after months or years of pain.

I was trying to figure out a way to gently suggest that perhaps she didn't need to speed off to the ER quite so often, but I didn't want to sound presumptuous. But it's just going to the ER is stressful for her as well as you. But has your family discussed things like hospice care and the like? I would imagine it's hard for your father to face.

What happened BTW? Did she have a stroke, or are they still unsure?

I feel so much for you, Consuela, having gone through our own version of it here. You have my ear whenever you need it.

What happened BTW? Did she have a stroke, or are they still unsure?

Looks like normal pressure hydrocephalus, which is water on the brain: it fills up in little gaps & causes problems. The treatment is a shunt directing the fluid into the abdomen, where it's reabsorbed. Mybrotherthedoctor says it wouldn't do much good, and it's still BRAIN SURGERY.

I think the NPH is in addition to the vascular dementia, but without an autopsy nobody knows for sure.

They sent her off to the ER the first two times because she fell off the wheelchair and hit her head. Today it was because the GP arrived and thought she'd had a stroke, she was slurring so badly. And she is, far more than she was on Monday, but according to the catscan there was no stroke.

So, yeah. We need to talk long-term (or even short-term) prognosis, and maybe hospice, and definitely respite care for Dad. I really don't like moving her again, but our options are limited--I don't think the ALF is going to be on board with keeping her where she is. She needs more care than my dad & the available staff can provide, and it's going to kill him to try.

Oh crud, Consuela, that's so hard. I'm glad your brother is nixing the surgery so that it's not an issue. It does sound like it's time for a family talk around a lot of hard issues. I'll be holding you in my thoughts and hoping that everyone can quickly come to agree on what's best for her, especially your dad. Much love to you.

Thanks so much, Burrell.

I'm just so overwhelmed. Between all this and the job situation, I just want to go hide somewhere.

And now I have to go to bed, where I will probably lie awake and worry. Bah.

Consuela,

while I am not living through your circumstance, I was at a near panic from May through July because of moving, new job, work and I was seriously at/over my limit.

The only thing I knew was to take things one step at a time. It is a lot and it will feel like you can't handle it all but you can. Just one step in front of the other.

What a tough place to be in, Consuela. All the best ~ma for finding the solutions that will work for your family.

I have to go find that article about how doctors die, again: they don't keep running around for more treatment. And they die peacefully and not drawn out, after months or years of pain.

I really think that it can be a much better way to live. Maybe a shorter time but a better overall quality of life. Not that medical treatment can't lead to wonderful things but, at the end of life, I think we go to far. Just grasping for things we can't ever hold and keep.

This is a really hard time, Consuela. If you ever need an ear or experience, I am around. Nothing makes it stop being hard but some things make it a little easier.

I am sorry about Uncle Bud, lisah.

Anne, I am sorry that Jeeves is declining.

I'm so sorry, Consuela. I'm specially glad your brother-the-doctor is going to be on hand to help navigate the medical conundrums and help pick among the lesser of evils.

Woke up before dawn to the sound of cats yowling. Amazingly it wasn't any of our household furballs, but strangers outside. So much for sleeping in....