It's probably a case of the don't-wanna-be-in-schools, but when I was in 6th to 8th grades I'd frequently get nauseous early in the day from anxiety and have my stomach settled by dinnertime. (Though I was more than OK with sticking to grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup on such days, my mom's cure-all meal.)

It has been interesting having a 16 year old going through this news. Yes, he was very aware of other recent tragic events, but this one is hitting him harder than the others. Note that my breakdown yesterday happened while he was at school so he only saw a groggy mom when he came home.

He has his network of friends at school and the dojo, he does his own internet research, and tonight is the first ARP team meeting since Monday - so he gets information from many sources other than me. While the Aurora and Sandy Hook shootings were horrible, in both cases the person responsible was immediately identified. This bombing is still "faceless" and I think that is what is bothering him the most.

When my mom called to tell me the news, I was sure I was a sociopath because it didn't hit me on any visceral level. You know, yeah, that's horrible and fucked up, but I wasn't feeling it. But hearing the accounts of the first responders and the families affected on the way to and from work these past two days, I've been having trouble remaining dry-eyed when I shift into park.

I used to get a stomach ache every thursday in elementary. Which coincided with square dance day in PE with the dreaded Ms. Cross (actually Krauth, but Cross suited her better.) I HATED square dance day. It was an actual ache, but I wasn't sick, it was anxiety,I know now. I didn't then, and still don't now, like having to touch unless it is MY idea.

Where did I put the charger for my magical self-jump-starter device?

Never mind - magical device says it basically still has a full charge. I'll look for it later.

Is your self-jump-starter for self or for car? Cause I want one for self.

I took today off because our nurse is still out and I hate when Grace misses school. Which is dumb as it's kindergarten. If she had missed today she'd have missed an Eric Carle book, writing her April words and writing in her journal. All things she can accomplish at home in less time than the 180 minutes it took for her to go through the "centers".

That said, she played a hoop and basketball game with her friend Isabella who is ADORABLE and sweet. So that part was worth it.

Then the dentist.

Um. Noah has a tooth that's approximately 85% cavity. WTH?! Terrifying.

For car. One for self would be even better, but being able to start my car when it inexplicably won't is pretty sweet.

Got my 2 IKEA roller shades for the main room windows ( here [link] I love the light, but want to mute it during the summer when I am not home, cause they are west, and it is intense. These are semi-transparent, called purple but more a purple red [link] . They will be completely hidden when up.) Taped up the templates to put up the brackets. Now I need a drill adapter because the drill doesn't fit straight in under the window sconce thingie. Trying the keywords to figure out what the appropriate words are. I see the damn thing in my head.

My brother was all cavities. I was not until 20. I had teeth a few years ago that were just this side of saving with crowns rather than extraction/implant. It's not you, it's genes and environment and who the fuck knows.