Since I'm in the mood to play agony aunt... you can go several ways with this, depending on whether you want to build up steam and go scorched earth or not. Since you don't have your best sounding board at the moment, derail until you have him... marvel at what hidden snobbery lurks in your friend. Or what a super-special-flower J must think his kids are that your local school would rooooo-iiiiin his child.

I say go with mental mockery of his perceptions rather than giving space to his opinion of your choices. Kookery and totally horrible social skills.

I pulled off three projects last year that no one else is willing to learn enough to do. But aside from that, responding to business requests, etc, I marked myself way down. WE ARE USELESS. But the idea that we are useless because I can't convey the business needs...say the Research department needs to communicate information to the field, and they've decided that a website is the way to do it. They then go to the front end people, who are not in iT, and they write the HTML and associated front end code, and then web dev comes to me and says "Can you set up AllTheResearch.com on our public site server for us? We have to publish a site."

And what happens on my end? "They've asked for a load balanced website to be added, and they will go live June 6th." :"Why do they need a new website?" "Because Research wants to roll one out." "But what is Research's need?" "To put information on a website." Which other people will code, publish, and maintain. All we need to do set up the webserver to serve that URL--we don't even have to do DNS tasks.

I got enough pushback that one site never got launched, because we didn't think it was important enough. When did this become my job? To advocate for (and fail) a department that has never had any contact with me, because we are suppliers, not workers. We give them space on a server and walk away. We used to give them space on a server and walk away. Now we second guess and bat the responsibility around, start a project and when I get to the point where someone is going to have to write code, I get told we have no one to write the code.

Well, thanks? Don't start me working on stuff and then tell me it won't be done. It's like a three week cycle, and all we do do is add menu options and create folders. We don't enhance, we don't develop new features, we just wave our arms around and take stuff off the support queue and jam it down between the cracks.

I don't know how else to convey my frustration. God forbid I take complex requirements, because there are no complex developers allocated to the task. Just the one incompetent woman I can hear my manager asking if she's still okay with working on this system every time they talk.

No one asks me that. I need to make this work with the new director. Not because I want to move, but because I want to have someone in IT on my side. The business likes me just fine. The PMO likes me just fine. The CIO does too. But the two people directly above me are not buying it, and I have to work out how to fix that.

And, man, do we have some interesting people who don't read emails either. Or don't reply to them, even the ones I resend when something blows up as a result of them not doing or saying something. Fine, that's me being mean, but still. I am not a manager. That's a conscious decision on my part. I don't like the added stress, but still...people need to be coddled and walked over to the solution and it's fucking irritating to be doing this past age 40.

Jesus, Jess, that's terrible. People.

That also sounds terrible, ita. Differently so, but, argh, how aggravating! I wish I had advice or something but all I have is sympathy. And wine. Y'all are welcome to both, of course. (You too, Lee. Surely drinking at home when you have visitors is okay? Therefore I will visit.)

I am super amused that whatever I typed while thinking "Jesus" auto corrected to "Seuss". That's kind of awesome.

And if the header of the email doesn't contain info regarding what she does consider her job

I would give each email the subject line "your job".

hah!

Sara, thanks again, just hearing that makes me feel better about my own reaction, and will also help me clarify my apology. Because I did feel like I'd been smacked in the face.

Glad I could be of some help. It's complicated, navigating your own reactions but at the same time seeing that the situation justified the reaction, if not the manifestation and then trying to remedy that without throwing yourself under the bus.

Oh gawd. So we had a local neighbor pass away recently. He had impairment due to TBI long ago, and could be irritating, but he had a sweet side, you just had to be able not get entangled. He was a fixture, out walking his dogs and telling you all about his life, more than you needed to know. While he lived independently, supposedly social services (to whom numerous neighbors called to make sure) had a handle on him. Apparently, nsm.

This is an update of B’s house for the residents of the [hood]. Last evening, I was able to talk to his cousin (briefly) and had a nice conversation with a female friend of his: G, and spoke to Mary Pat Clarke’s office today regarding the status and condition of his house.[...]He was alone and wasn’t discovered until quite some time later. One of his dogs was able to find a home, but the where-abouts of his other dog is unknown. B was estranged from his family and (it appears) the only family contact was this cousin; his death was dismissed by his family, no funeral was held, and his family did not claim his body. G allowed me to view the insides of his house; after viewing the 1st floor, I politely declined to view the 2nd floor and basement. The condition of the 1st floor was shocking (to say the least); I heard the rumors about 1st floor, but I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. Please excuse this, but to give you an idea, when I came home I took a shower and washed my clothes. The stench was so strong, that my clothes and hair picked up the smell. The house has a “reverse mortgage”; after B’s death, it goes to the bank. Because of the condition of the house and the appearance of family disinterest, I contacted Mary Pat Clarke’s office, spoke to xxx and relayed my concerns about the house’s condition: I told her of my very strong concerns about the environmental safety conditions of the house; although I understood that there is a time period before the bank can take legal ownership of it pending the family’s decision for his personal belongings, from what I saw (and smelled) it is my belief that immediately actions need to be taken to ensure the this house does not pose an environmental hazard to the neighbors on either side and the other houses within close proximity; actions need to be in place by the summer before the temperatures rise. From what I saw (just on the 1st floor), the renovation will need to be very intense; it won’t be a simple paint covering, “Pine-sol”ing the floors and spraying Frebreeze here and there. xxx said that Mary Pat Clarke’s office was aware of B’s passing and from previous communications that her office had with him of his personality. They said that they would help as much as possible to make sure that the house’s conditions are addressed to the appropriate authorities (i.e., mortgage company, City’s Housing Department, etc.). I told her that I would be the point of contact between her office and neighbors. If you have any question, please contact me at my email account[etc]

B didn't let many people into his home, the few he did always reported to social services, cause it was never good, but never sounded as bad as that. It's just sad. I do mourn him, but as awful as the fallout is, and as awful as it sounds the conditions he lived in were, I think I can say he lived fully. But we (collective) failed him.

Week and a half to go in this house, so naturally, the handle for the shower fixture has fallen off. Where's the screw that keeps it in place? No idea. Easy fix...if all of the screws and screwdrivers weren't already packed.

I'm going to blame this one on my in-laws.

Kate, my parents give us annual memberships in the local Natural History Museum. Bonus is that they are partners with several hundred other museums and zoos around the country, so we get reduced/free admission all over the place. You might see if your zoo has something like that and find out what other museums/science/discovery centers you can get free/reduced admit to with the membership.

Oh, that's good advice, sara. We'll look into that! And yikes on your neighbor's house. That's really sad.

Jess, I would totally be all HULK SMASH about a comment like that. Ugh.

I'm going to blame this one on my in-laws.

Definitely. I'm pretty sure I saw them do it.

Dana, if my relatives came to help pack me up....um. I'm really glad msbelle took me firmly in hand.