Whew. Home was not anywhere near as bad as I had worried--it was bad enough that I couldn't make my exit coming through downtown LA, and god, lord, I hate trying to get back onto the freeway from downtown, since Google doesn't know about the no left turn signs, and definitely not the time-controlled ones. Lots of looping around to get back on track.
But, basically, the training session is a decent example of my complete disregard for propriety and shutting the fuck up--I had an example (or a counter, or a question) for every point, and I dominated the group discussions because that's the simplest way to a) get group participation credit, b) stay awake, c) not have to listen to other people talk.
Oh, and I amuse the fuck out of myself when I take the "not at work" shutters down. Oh, god, did they ever hear about incompetent developer (who's back on the incompetence full force this morning--I'm tempted to tell her manager that she's not well suited to a particular task because she has zero initiative, but I think I will give her another go round. "So how did you plan to do it?" is not an appropriate question to ask your business analyst. Although I do have ideas, it's on her to solve the problem, not me, and also SHE REFUSES TO TAKE MY SUGGESTIONS for fear of that rogue development thing.
The project management training had a section on resolving conflict with real life examples, and I was all up in that shit. I am going to take some class suggestions and double down on the giving enough rope and the documentation stuff.
If there had been anyone there that I wanted to talk to again I'd have exchanged an email address, but as things go, one guy has my autograph, and that's as much of an imprint as I will leave. Another woman came over and discussed art with me--her daughter is making her living selling on Etsy, and I meant to ask for the URL, but didn't get a chance.
Does anyone know who the originator of the "We will get the blah blah blah we need, and the yadda yadda yadda we deserve?" formulation is?
Speaking of project management--wow, the Sepulveda pass renovation is going to be delayed by a year. That is a 25% extension, easy. I would not like to be on that project management team. I bet they're getting used as an object lesson in local classes (apparently the move into the new UCLA Ronald Reagan hospital was so mismanaged it was class fodder--sheeit. Using the Panama Canal is nice and safe and remote, you know?)
Oh, congrats to Nilly & fam on the new girl!
See, that's why I'm so confused about me. Because I can totally bully a business meeting.
And I can do it online, too.
But I also don't want to talk to you.
I think I'm not an introvert; I think I'm just a misanthropist!
Oh, how could I forget? Many congratulations and best wishes to Nilly and family, and Welcome, Little One to new little Nilly's girl!
Warmth and joy and all good things to Nilly and the Nillyfamily!
I have a lot of Calvin in me. Even when I want to be in the room and paying attention, I'll slip and be Spaceman Spiff on the Planet Doomnavia before I know it. Everybody near me is speaking Doomnavian, and I don't have a translator microbe on me anywhere. Smile and nod only gets you so far before you panic and run.
That wasn't the night I meant, though -- it was in Boulder, two nights later, when I was getting sick and was just worn out.
Psst. It was Highlands Ranch, where I live. Boulder was the next day and just K-Bug and I drove to that one.
When I'm in a big group I'm happy to people watch but I feel better if I have something specific to do. Give me a job and I'm happy. Expect me to chit chat with someone I don't know and who isn't outgoing...oy.
I think I'm not an introvert; I think I'm just a misanthropist!
God, yes. The simplest way to stop people from talking to me about things I don't want to talk about is to talk to them about things I don't give a shit about. It's my Teavana approach, and a general life rule. If I get to pick my rhubarb (does everyone use that as a "blah blah blah" word? Like, if you're hired to be the group muttering in a scene, you just say "rhubarb rhubarb rhubarb" over and over again? I wouldn't be surprised if the person who intro-ed me to that had gotten it from her butt) I can almost hide in the middle of a conversation.
One of the guys at my first CA job called me out on it, and I just smiled beatifically. One day he realised we talked
a lot
but he knew nothing about me beyond a couple movies I enjoyed. And since my cube was decorated in LotR swag, that means I only told him one.
My sister just said the sweetest things in the world about my artwork. My family's generally sort of ... dismissive isn't the right word--they figure I'm a good artist, and I should do it more, but there's neither ooh nor ah about it. That's ita !, and she draws, and that one I pulled their attention to is well done.
She just went all out enough that I cried reading the email and I'm crying again typing about it. I am slowly getting less insecure about drawing, but I'm clearly not together enough to hear excitement from people who've not been excited before. In fact, I was going back to her with excuses for specific pictures and why they weren't better (I know, Amy, I know...it just doesn't work...).
I can't even reply to her email right now.
Give me a job and I'm happy.
Oh god no. I will fuck it up, and then everyone will be exasperated with me and the host will be all condescending reassurance to the idiot who can't even chop veggies or whatever. Unless everyone else has a job and I'd look conspicuous or lazy if I didn't, in which case give me something dead easy like stirring. Or setting the table; I know where the forks go!
I hate it when I arrive at a get-together and everyone's bustling about doing useful things and I'm standing there, trying to stay out of everyone's way and failing, with no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.
Wow, I just realized that's all PTSD from dealing with my grandmother. A kitchen full of busy chatting women is the first circle of hell, for me.
