Man, I keep impulse buying drinks in the store that I've never tried before--I'm trying to taste test everything that says it mango in it. However, I've been staring at a bottle of kombucha for days now. Can't find the right...time.

I need to stop complaining about how I don't look all put together when I will never ever be willing to put in the time to do it.

Bah! A medium curl is not the end-all of put together.

I gave up on my quest for mango. I was reasonably satisfied with Naked's Mighty Mango, and I quit after that.

I'm pretty hippy dippy and I've tried kombucha. I have to say, ita, there is no right time. That shit is nasty.

Bah! A medium curl is not the end-all of put together.

I know, but I don't want to do any of it! I just want to magically look better in the mornings like on tv! Why is that so much to ask?

Sure, there's that. I literally had someone try to talk to me about a "five-minute face" recently, and I was like, Yeah -- my two-minute face is all I'm actually going to do, nine days out of ten.

I love it when stylists ask me how long I take to do my hair. "Twenty seconds."

"Do you use any product?"

"Uh, water."

I just want to magically look better in the mornings like on tv! Why is that so much to ask?

I know the feeling. I want to have awesome (if short) nails with rad polish, but... no.

I think I must be having my regularly scheduled pre-summer freakout. I have to go talk to suburban people and convince them to give me money. I normally don't take that many showers! I look perfectly fine to my rocker kids!

So I try to conform to some imaginary concept of what I'm "supposed to look like" and that sucker is elusive! I need to just relax. They're probably expecting me to look at least a little rough, or I'm not really out "in the field" doing my job.

Maybe I should just get a trim.

I love it when stylists ask me how long I take to do my hair. "Twenty seconds."

I think that's twice as long as it takes me.

I always tell them, "My entire routine is to wash my hair and then use a wide-toothed comb to comb it. Then done."

I spend maybe 15-20 minutes on my hair when I do it. Blow-drying with a brush, etc. Probably 5 minutes on the face, dawdling. Most of that is waiting for the eyeliner to dry. Mind you, I only do this for work or when I want to look fawncy going out. Most of my neighbors know me only in no makeup and pool hair (and possible sweaty and gross from house/yard work.) But if I brush it right, my pool hair gets compliments. Allison always gives me good cuts that can air dry well. As long as I brush it right. It wants to do stupid things on its own.

T-cushion slipcovers are a pain in the ass to figure out which is front and get on right. Pulled a shoulder muscle. Also, it birthed a kitten in my washer, and I swear I run the upholstery brush on that regularly.