I am cognitively way more fucked up than I used to be. Much slower, much worse memory. I have a better attitude towards it all, but that's mostly giving up and learning coping strategies instead of trying to be less stupid and have a better memory. However, I don't know if that's age or the fact that my brain is on fire.

And my body--I don't know if that's because I went from 90mph to zero, or it's just what age does. I have no controls in these experiments.

The last time I dealt with resumes, I was mailing them out in answer to ads in the newspaper. TWO things that aren't the way they are done anymore.

Me too.

Wait, I think I faxed my resume in. From a computer with a fax modem.

Yeah, I've been at the same job for 16 years. I think I'm fairly employable in the computer industry, but I haven't really thought about other job possibilities in many years.

I'm the other end of the spectrum -- I've realized me and S. managed to get through our twenties and thirties with no real plan and a lot of luck (and some bad luck), and now we're in our forties and pretty stuck, career-wise and financially. We're doing a good job with the kids, Jake excepted, and we're a happy family, but we have fucked up time and time again in most other ways.

Now I'm depressed.

I guess middle age is a tradeoff--it takes me longer to get back into shape than it used to, I am slowly accruing all sorts of weird problems with my body (weak right knee, chronic sinusitis, plantar fasciitis), less regular sleep patterns, grey hair, and perimenopause. But on the other hand, I am financially stable, and otherwise pretty healthy and happy. I can afford to travel, and dress better, and I've become a better cook and writer than I was when I was younger.

Over all, I can't really complain, except about the acne. I really resent the acne.

I really resent the acne.

Right? That was unexpected and really sucks.

What, acne comes back?

I resent the weird lumps under my skin. OK, more than resent--I'm going to the doctor today to have them looked at.

this put a smile on my face today when one was sorely needed:

9-year old's homemade arcade gets flash mobbed.

[link]

I find I am a lot more tolerant and understanding of people now than I used to be. At the same time, I wish I had more of the ballsy outspokenness of my 18 YO self, but maybe with less of the vitriol.

Physically, yeah, everything is slower, harder to recover from.

The good thing about the transit strike is that it's got me walking a lot again, and after a couple of years of back pain, I find I can walk without hurting at the end of it. I hadn't realized how much I had missed walking everywhere.

And yet? I still don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I've been at the same company for 18 years, been doing variations on the same job since 2000 and I still don't feel like I'm out in the real world yet. People are weird.

My recent unhappiness with my job, as opposed to my more longstanding complacency about my job, is making me a little crazy. At 42, is it too late to change? Have I wasted my masters degree? Can I/should I walk away from the velvet prison that is comfortable enough but so unfufilling? There's a part of me that's panicky about time running out that wants to do something crazy and impulsive, like sell my house and move to France and watch movies all the time and blog about it. It makes me understand where mid-life crises come from. Everyday I feel on the verge of one.

It makes me understand where mid-life crises come from. Everyday I feel on the verge of one.

Right there with you.

My knees are creaky, and my back is hurty (mostly from an old bed and crappy computer-hunchery) but I'll be 40 in August and I'm in the best shape physically of my life. My insomnia and depression aren't entirely under control, but my coping mechanisms are much, much better than they have been.

Financially, I'm still pretty fucked, but it's verrrrryyyyyy slowlllllly getting a wee, wee bit better.

It's very weird to think I'll be 40 in August (like, WHEN did all that tempus fucking fugit?! WHAAA?) but I'm not all "WOE! WOE! 40! WOE!"

I've been telling people I was 40 for a few months now anyway, because it's just fun to see them be all "Are you lying?!" So far, my late 30's were so much better and more fun, in many way, than my 20's. So I'm cool with aging.