Waiting on the tow truck to call....

I am trying not to cry right now. I don't know what to do. The observation doctor is ever worse than the ER, in the end. He wants to space the doses by 4 hours, because it shouldn't make a difference. I wonder why they bother speaking in English at that point. Clearly it makes a difference, or you wouldn't choose one option over the other.

So, no. I'm not doing that. They are giving me the 4th medication of the first dose, and then I'm leaving. The first broken dose almost two hours ago has entirely worn off. I explained to him that waiting four hours is falling back into the hole, effectively all the way. I'm not asking for medication to sustain a pain free state, which is what the ever 4 is for. This regimen is recommended to break an episode.

But, most irritatingly of all, the doctor acts like no one at this hospital has ever received these dosages of medication without promptly DYING, and therefore no doctor would recommend or administer this.

Good christ. I really want to get over this hump and have the Botox work. I am, honestly, optimistic. But that's entirely dependent on me breaking the cycle, and them because of the Botox it doesn't come back.

Please, doctors, help me break it. Why couldn't I have gotten last week's staff? They were all great. Nice, calm, understanding, solicitous in a way that did help break the pain for a little, but unfortunately too soon for the toxin to start killing migraine ass properly.

The amount of anger I'll inspire in my boss if I don't come into work tomorrow is massive, but if it still hurts anywhere near as much as it does now...not even a question.

"That shouldn't happen," the doctor said.

"I shouldn't have migraines," I interrupted. "Lots of things happen."

Bah. I do know what to do. I will incense my boss, and miss work tomorrow, and come in at 5 or so in the morning, and try all over again. That's a bit closer to doctor's changing shift.

But for today, I'm AMA and loving it (she spits out bitterly).

Oh, ita, I am so sorry. That's terrible.

ita, it makes me so angry that you have to deal with this crap every week. There is no good reason why a doctor shouldn't be able to set up an appointment at a hospital every week to get the medication doses you need. You shouldn't have to deal with the uncertainty of never knowing who you are going to have to deal with and whether or not they are going to be cooperative.

The nurse was really nice and understanding, but the doctor was adamant that dilaudid just isn't prescribed that way. To which I said "Yeah, and nothing ever gets used off label, especially to treat migraines, right?"

He tried to convince me to stay, but I said "Given that I'm going to have a headache anyway--where would you want to have a headache--at home, or in some strange cold hospital room?"

At least he had the decency to look sheepish when he said "At home,"

At which point I left.

I have been told that the letter I have saying what my meds should be isn't helpful because:

• it's not from a pain doctor (fixed)
• it doesn't say IV (fixed)
• it doesn't say IV push (fixed)
• it's from 2011 (fixed)

Now it's broken because it doesn't say the gap between doses. 4 hours? 3 doses? Do you seriously think that's been going on in the ER for and length of time? They would be locking the door as soon as I opened the taxi door.

Come on, botox. Get to fucking work, and keep me out of this hell hole.

ita, what sj said. I am so fucking furious on your behalf, and I hate the sheer uselessness of the anger. I want to *do* something, and there's not a damn thing any of us can do.

Oh, I weep for my town. On the local paper's website is a poll re: PBS funding. 4 options on the question of dumping the funding: Yes, Austerity is needed; No, PBS is valuable; Yes, Sesame Street is a Marxist plot; No, I'm a socialist. Unsurprisingly Austerity is winning, with PBS is valuable a significant second, but Marxist plot is showing about a quarter of the votes. I want to think there are a lot of satirical people around here, but I suspect a lot of people said, "Yes, the paper understands the truth! It's a brainwashing show!" The I'm a Socialist option does have a few votes, but I suspect that's where the ironic ones went.

ita: Same thing I feel. I'm angry, and I want to do something and I know there is nothing I can do.

You shouldn't have to deal with the uncertainty of never knowing who you are going to have to deal with and whether or not they are going to be cooperative.

This.

You guys, I went to yoga. For the second time in my life. It was pretty good! Although I got totally thrown by a position I couldn't even figure out, and the leader came over and showed me another version. So I got to do reclining pigeon, which just makes me laugh really hard as a concept. I will go back. Good thing, because the Living Social deal is for five classes.

OH and Connie, you know that newspaper polls don't reflect public opinion or even reader opinion except by coincidence, I'm sure. Why PZ Myers urges readers to shift opinion polls - both to avoid the poll being a propaganda victory viewpoints he disagrees with, but also to emphasize that polls with self-selected participants are not representative of larger populations.