But every time my kids come back from being with Joe, they talk non stop about how much they miss him and how much more fun he is and how they like him better.
Ooof, that's tough. What's your schedule like? I think it helped with Emmett that we were always 50/50 so that one parent wasn't "Vacation Parent!"
Not that I'm necessarily recommending that kind of schedule for you but it keeps him from romanticizing one experience.
I'd also note that you've got a newer child with Sammy that has displaced them and is probably taking more of your attention.
Very xposty in theme with Tep.
It's nice to hear that view echoed from a parent, though. I never realized until I was in college that it was unfair for mom to be the only one who enforced the rules and dad got to be Fun Buys-A-Speedboat Parent. (And, incidentally, Takes-Children-On-Speedboat-While-Drunk-Out-Of-His-MIND-At-Noon Parent. [Healthy role models? What are those?])
We have this crazy 50/50 schedule that goes 2-3-2. There are a lot of things about it that make it not work well. Joe isn't working right now and he has very few rules. They stay up late, eat lots of junk food and come home with new toys every visit. I know that's not healthy so I don't do it. And I'm definitely more strict. He's a better dad that when we were married but he is so damaged that, IMO, he's putting major emotional demands on the kids. That's probably an LJ post in itself, I guess.
I guess I'm just scared they will want to leav me some day because I'm not as fun as their dad.
I think Sammy is actually a pretty big draw. They seem to really love playing with him although he also makes some things hard.
Im not disappearing but I'm going to go to bed before I think this topic into insomnia.
Stephanie, I suspect they also talk about you to their Dad. I know, in retrospect, that I was an utterly heartless child of divorce in how much I talked about stuff I did w/ dad to mom, and stuff I did with mom to dad. I just thought I was talking about my experience, with no comprehension about how that might land. And that was in my early teens when I thought I knew better! Not till I was almost 30 did my mom mention how much some of the things I told her about dad time really hurt her feelings. Kids tend to be...self involved...to a point where mom's feelings aren't something they necessarily think about. And of course that's going to multiplied times 100 when dad doesn't enforce rules and refuses to be the 'bad guy.'
Keep in mind, Stephanie, that your very bright children will be able to see his issues as they get older. As much as they enjoy the "fun parent" the stable one is the one they will flourish with.
Morning tv actually occurs IN the morning. Huh?
Go Cash!
I guess I'm just scared they will want to leav me some day because I'm not as fun as their dad.
I can almost guarantee that some day they will realize what's really going on and appreciate your good parenting.
Heh, Cashmere. I do find the prospect of immediate need for coherency
encourages
the brain to start firing those neurons. What's the famous quote about the prospect of imminent execution focusing the intellect excellently?
I recently heard (on NPR?) that neuroscientists are studying how "time slows" when you're in imminent peril, and are leaning to the theory it's not that time perception slows, but that the brain concentrates so hard on noticing
everything
at those moments that a flood of sensory data that is usually ignored not only gets noticed but evaluated and
remembered,
hence a half-second fall off a ladder seems like a couple seconds worth of experience.
It was a quick 2 minutes but I think I managed to not sound completely out of it. I'm home already and the kids are still asleep.
I'm going back to bed at some point. School starts tomorrow so this will be our last chance to enjoy the sleeping in.
