I'll add to the chorus of "Don't move in," Consuela. I watched my mother take care of my dad and work for years. It almost killed her and she had no life. I think that's one reason why she has no friends now. It's also difficult to support an adult who is falling without getting hurt yourself.

There is a part of me that really wants to get a duplex and move my dad in to one half.

This was originally the plan with my mom, but we couldn't find a duplex that fit our needs. Then we found the big house in Alameda and bought that together. Luckily for us the multi-generational thing worked fairly well. There were minor bumps but I had more issues living with KCD than my mom.

Either I'll have to move in with them, or they have to get full-time caregiving.

Having BTDT I can't recommend highly enough finding full-time care for them. In their situation an assisted living/nursing care combo would be ideal as it would provide your mother with the nursing care she needs and allow your father to remain near her but still have a bit of autonomy. But I know that's way easier said than done, both in terms of affordability and convincing your parents to do it.

In their situation an assisted living/nursing care combo would be ideal as it would provide your mother with the nursing care she needs and allow your father to remain near her but still have a bit of autonomy.

Dad went to tour an assisted living facility: Mom refused to get out of the car, and apparently spent the whole ride home yelling at him.

Moving them to assisted living or getting full-time care in, either way, requires a bruising battle with my mother, who may have lost most of her cognitive function, but is still capable of being incredibly nasty and stubborn.

So I'm the person who doesn't give their cats flea and tick pesticides.

Because 1) I'm cheap, and my cats don't have fleas, and I'm willing to take my chances on the ticks. and 2) don't treat until you've hit your threshold, and 3) THEY'RE PESTICIDES. (I even cast a stink eye at the rabies shots).

It's been maybe three years since I've given my kitties Advantix or Revolution, and, yeah, there's been a tick or two, we're all alive.

Now, I'm a licensed pesticide applicator. And I'm skeeved at the idea of putting a systemic insecticide on the animals that I kiss and hug and sleep with.

My mum went to the vet and the chick at the counter was going on about how fleas and ticks are becoming immune to the commonly used flea and tick controls, so hey! here's a new pesticide.

Bartock, a solid kitty of 25 lbs. was lethargic and vomiting and had thick black fur. Cisco, a boxer of 80 lbs. with short short brown fur, suddenly developed a line of black spooge down his back. Mum researched the pesticide, and came up with numerous pet deaths. Went back to the vet, said WTF? and the chick at the counter was all, "Oh, yeah, it's been approved by the FDA and has been used on cattle and other livestock and has been in circulation for years!". It's killing our pets and we're eating the meat treated with it?

I look more askance at the FDA and the EPA than I ever did before.

Yeah, my mom was never able to get my grandmother to move into assisted living, even when my grandfather was in long-term care and there was an assisted living place right on site. Instead, she had to be driven to visit my grandfather every day.

But regardless, Suela, you cannot drive yourself insane by moving in with them.

Well, I'm apparently leaving the office early to go check on them, because they haven't picked up the phone and I've been calling at 20 minute intervals since 2 PM.

My father has a cellphone that he keeps off at all times unless he's calling out. NOT HELPFUL DAD.

I would really like to go home and be useless, but instead I'm going to go get stuck in traffic and worry about them, and when I get there, they'll be fine but just forgot to plug in the phone or something.

On my drive home, I cut through a fairly wealthy/conservative part of town.

Yesterday, there were at least 10 Akin signs up on lawns, and that was down from the day before.

Today, there were none.

Well, I'm apparently leaving the office early to go check on them, because they haven't picked up the phone and I've been calling at 20 minute intervals since 2 PM.

My sister and I wre recently bemoaning the fact that the world does not have a reverse med-alert, where you can get a ping back that everything's okay, just can't hearthe phone over the blasting tv and running tap.

Today, there were none.

Hope starts small.