Parenting WIN: Kiddo had MASSIVE nosebleed last night at midnight. Like, abattoiresque, but I had him laughing and it's fine.

Parenting FAIL: I stayed up REALLY late editing, and kiddo went out to check the mail and LOCKED SELF OUT. And I couldn't hear him because I was upstairs asleep (edited till 4 am) and he was outside for 3 hours and the neighbors had to call the police to get Dan's number. I feel like SHIT about it. There's a house key kidden, but he couldn't find it and I am the WORST MOST EVIL STEPMOM EVER. DH had to come home early, and I was still zonked.

I feel SO BAD. But kiddo is cheerful about it and gave me hugs" "It's ok! Nothing bad happened! It's all right...Can I have pancakes now?"

HEADDESK HEADDESK HEADDESK.

Please tell me this is NOT the worst parenting FAIL any Buffistas have done. I feel AWFUL.

Have you tried hissing at them? With the fangs that should be pretty intimidating.

Oooh! That's a good suggestion, thank you.

Please tell me this is NOT the worst parenting FAIL any Buffistas have done.

Not even a little bit, sweetpea. Not even a little bit.

Please tell me this is NOT the worst parenting FAIL any Buffistas have done.

Have you trained him to answer the door to Jehovah's Witnesses and Mormons and say, "Yes, come in! We need more sacrifices to Satan, our lord and master! You are virgins, aren't you?"

Because if not, then don't worry.

(Seriously, one time I was babysitting, we locked ourselves out of the house, and the kids and I had a thrilling time figuring out how to break in. Which we did, so go us.)

Aww, Strix, it's not like you abandoned the kid at a highway gas station and didn't figure it out for an hour...

nope, not the biggest fail ever. he got in and now whenever he askes for pancakes he can give you the look that reminds you why he deserves pancakes

The kid's older than a toddler, right? Then I think you're OK.

Look at it this way, Strix, he won't ever lock himself out again! And he's FINE. He's not even upset - I know kids who would have panicked and/or done something stupid.

He's 10, and he went over to the neighbor's house...but he didn't have any of our phone numbers memorized.

Which will be taken care off tour de suite, let me tell you.

And now he knows where the Sekrit House Hey is hidden outside, and that he is NOT to go outside unless Dad or I are awake.

I also just took out neighbor our cell numbers, and the location of the key, and apologized abjectly. I will be making cookies or brownies for them this weekend.

God, I hope he doesn't tell his mom; she will freak like Loki on 'roids.

Ugh -- still making the flaily hands of GUILT. (I know, I know...but....)

The guilt definitely makes sense because it sounds like mama bird will be guilting you horribly if/when she gets this information.