I will say, I've never interviewed well when I've felt beaten down, either by my current job or by the job-search process itself.

Word.

I'm really hoping I won't have to interview to get my job.

I'm trying to figure out what the career path is to writing for the website and such. On the downside, they're usually the first people cut in layoffs. On the plus side, I'm not going to get ahead here in an administrative gig. They're all very polished and business-suited. I don't think I can do that for this kind of gig. It's very mad men-esque in that regard.

I know it's probably childish to say, "I'm not putting on a sweater set and spectator pumps and making coffee for another 2K a year."

I think that's part of the problem, though. I'm holding on to some sort of "fuck the man" attitude that is kind of silly at almost-40. I need the 2K. I look good in suits. What the hell is wrong with me?

I need the 2K. I look good in suits. What the hell is wrong with me?

Can you think of it as costuming?

I wear professional clothes to work: today I'm in a grey Calvin Klein sheath dress, with a sparkly necklace and multi-colored flats. But it's mostly just costuming. When I met a climbing partner for dinner once, without changing after work, she was astonished at my "girly" clothing--high-heeled shoes, pink shirt with ruffles on the front, etc., since she's used to seeing me in climbing pants and a tank top, or maybe jeans & a t-shirt.

It's just not really possible to "fuck the man" and get ahead in a large organization. What they're looking for is reliability, not independent thinking. (For the most part, anyway.)

I can't wear the heels here. I am astounded by people that do. We're carved into the side of the san gabriels, and I park in a lot called Cardiac Hill. I can do better on the business casual front, though. I'm further away from the labs, so I don't have to wear jeans. I'm still pretty clearly tattooed.

Ugh. Forget it. It's so weird. I'm asked to cover these desks all the time for extremely high profile people. But then when I go to interview for the job, they pick someone else...who then asks me to cover the desk when they're away. And then they all write glowing performance reviews.

I guess that's why I'm scrapping to figure out what it is. You want me to cover in your crazy high up the chain office, and I'm always on the short list of candidates.

So I'm left thinking that it's got to be my clothes or how I look or something. Because they like the job I do enough to call me when they need help. I feel like I have a giant blind spot and I can't see something obvious.

I'm so sorry, Allyson. Interviewing is such a soul-sucking process. Is there someone at work you can talk to about how to improve your chances in the interview?

My room reconfiguration at home is done. I've got all the furniture moved back in, and I am slowly moving clothes into the new closet.

Allyson, it occurs to me that it might also just be that they've seen you "grow up" and will never see you as the mature, awesome manager-level person that you can clearly be/and are. It does happen, and I was having the conversation yesterday with a friend who's been with her company for over 14 years and even though her title has shifted over time to "director", some people still clearly don't give her respect she deserves. In a lot of situations, you really do have to change companies to get that move up and a clean slate with people who will get to know you at your next level. Hope that makes sense. The short of it is, it isn't just you. So please don't take it personally.

Now, off to see the pics Anne posted!!

Anne, the room looks fabulous. I love the wall color, and the floor is beautiful.

Also, someone seems to have scrambled all the letters on my keyboard today. It's three letters typed, backstroke, fix one--no that's still wrong, fix it again, and three letters...no.

Anne, that is such a peaceful, cheerful room!

Thank you! It's a very, very relaxing space. I still can't believe it's finally done.