And let me be clear, I love my mom, and miss her like crazy. But I also am now able to recognize how hurt and unwell she was, and what sort impact that had on me. I wish I could have made her happier, but I know that wasn't really in my power.

t I guess the ME ME ME tag doesn't close right now?

Timelies all!

I don't think I ever told my parents I hated them. My brother probably did, though I can't remember specifics. I was more likely to burst into tears and run to my room,(My parents said I was "sensitive"; I know now that I was depressed) usually because my dad was yelling.

Many hugs without expectation to all.

I got permission to share this amazing wedding invitation. I am speechless.

[link]

I also feel like I'm obliged to entertain people and fill in any gaps in conversation. Then afterwards I feel like I dominated the conversation, and everyone wishes I would just shut up.

Oh, yes, that. I often leave social gatherings, in which I actually spoke, feeling like I talked the *entire* time and was obnoxious.

Neither of us were aware we were doing it, but we did.

Wow, Jilli. That is sad, that you both felt you had to do that when you were the ones hurting. I think it's great that you have Pete there to provide (relatively) objective feedback.

I swear this is one of the (several) reasons I don't watch Reality programming. Can't even deal with that level of conflict.

Hell to the yes on that. I'm also Stupidity Avoidant, though.

And, oh crap. I bet all this is the reason for my dilemma around not really caring that I've gotten fat, and at the same time feeling like no one will ever love me because I'm not pretty enough anymore. All of my feelings around how I look are about *other people*, not myself. Jeepers, it's like my opinions don't even count when I'm the only one here.

Karl, it's good to see your pixels. I hope you're doing all right.

Good to hear from you, too, Zen. I'm putting on a brave face, but my emotions are still pretty raw.

And what I said upthread to Ginger applies to you, too, you know. Your kindness (to me and to others) has been memorable, and inspiring. Thank you; it's a small way of making the world a better place, but please never doubt that it makes a difference.

Wow, javachik, that's an amazing invitation.

Isn't it? I am just amazed by the beauty and the brilliance.

And it might just be the kick I needed to get me back on Match.com or something! ;) (But S is visiting next week, so I'll wait til after!)

My parents were mostly good. There were issues and there are always issues. Mom and I were too close for awhile, Dad has trouble expressing his feelings.

I spent most of the time growing up being "the sick one" in the family. I got all this attention and focus when most of the time I just wanted to be left alone and hide in the closet. It effected my relationship with my brother. We aren't close.

I'm terrible at relationships with other people, mostly because I think non family members can barely tolerate me and expect people to jsut tell me they don't like me and go away.

I also realized that I'm frustrated at some decisions my brother has made, but part of those frustrations come from the fact that he should "know" better or "act" better or something. He shouldn't be relying on my parents financial help because he's not the "sick one". He's the one who has all the chances and the shot at a "real" life. So he shouldn't be in this situation.

Which, I realize, isn't fair because his current situation sucks and he's not perfect. And he gets to make mistakes and need help even though he's "normal".

Jeepers, it's like my opinions don't even count when I'm the only one here.

Well, I'm eager to meet you if we ever get the chance.