I want to hug my mom and tell her how much I love her right now. She was a great mom, and y'all are reminding me of how grateful I am for her love.

You also reminded me of how delicious an orange Julius is. Mmmm, plus so summery. I need to figure out where I can get an orange Julius. I should introduce the kids to the concept.

I have that problem, Zen. I also feel like I'm obliged to entertain people and fill in any gaps in conversation. Then afterwards I feel like I dominated the conversation, and everyone wishes I would just shut up.

Zenkitty, what you described is very similar to how I'm wired. Except that I simultaneously don't care if strangers or random people don't like me - that part strictly applies to the people I like.

I also feel like I have to be cnstantly managing other peoples' emotional responses to me - to make them happy with me or at least make them benignly ignore me.

Pete said one of the saddest, creepiest things he's ever seen was on the night my mom was admitted to the ICU. We were in the waiting room with my dad, and whenever anyone else came into the waiting room (doctor, nurse, random stranger), my dad and I immediately switched on into "charming, set people at ease" mode. Neither of us were aware we were doing it, but we did.

Similar, Zen - I'm completely conflict avoidant. But I generally won't try to coax them out of it, I just need to Get Away. I swear this is one of the (several) reasons I don't watch Reality programming. Can't even deal with that level of conflict. And I have to be able to escape and be by myself sooner or later (and more and more as I get older, it seems).

I also feel like I'm obliged to entertain people and fill in any gaps in conversation. Then afterwards I feel like I dominated the conversation, and everyone wishes I would just shut up.

Wow, Ginger's also me.

And let me be clear, I love my mom, and miss her like crazy. But I also am now able to recognize how hurt and unwell she was, and what sort impact that had on me. I wish I could have made her happier, but I know that wasn't really in my power.

t I guess the ME ME ME tag doesn't close right now?

Timelies all!

I don't think I ever told my parents I hated them. My brother probably did, though I can't remember specifics. I was more likely to burst into tears and run to my room,(My parents said I was "sensitive"; I know now that I was depressed) usually because my dad was yelling.

Many hugs without expectation to all.

I got permission to share this amazing wedding invitation. I am speechless.

[link]

I also feel like I'm obliged to entertain people and fill in any gaps in conversation. Then afterwards I feel like I dominated the conversation, and everyone wishes I would just shut up.

Oh, yes, that. I often leave social gatherings, in which I actually spoke, feeling like I talked the *entire* time and was obnoxious.

Neither of us were aware we were doing it, but we did.

Wow, Jilli. That is sad, that you both felt you had to do that when you were the ones hurting. I think it's great that you have Pete there to provide (relatively) objective feedback.

I swear this is one of the (several) reasons I don't watch Reality programming. Can't even deal with that level of conflict.

Hell to the yes on that. I'm also Stupidity Avoidant, though.

And, oh crap. I bet all this is the reason for my dilemma around not really caring that I've gotten fat, and at the same time feeling like no one will ever love me because I'm not pretty enough anymore. All of my feelings around how I look are about *other people*, not myself. Jeepers, it's like my opinions don't even count when I'm the only one here.

Karl, it's good to see your pixels. I hope you're doing all right.

Good to hear from you, too, Zen. I'm putting on a brave face, but my emotions are still pretty raw.

And what I said upthread to Ginger applies to you, too, you know. Your kindness (to me and to others) has been memorable, and inspiring. Thank you; it's a small way of making the world a better place, but please never doubt that it makes a difference.