Oh Dana. I'm sorry.

Dana, I'm so sorry. That's just adding injury to insult.

That makes three developers in the past couple years that would rather say "yes" than work out if "yes" means they're agreeing with me. It's really kind of creepy, but I wonder if it's an ESL defense mechanism where they're behind in the translation and are trying to buy time or something.

I've worked with a couple ESL people who would always say "yes" no matter what. Apparently it would be impolite to say "no"? I'm working with a conference-issue editor right now who's been politely not saying no for four weeks, and finally I've realize that he simply has no intention of providing the thing I've been asking him for. In retrospect, it's kind of impressive how he's managed to never just tell me he's not going to do it.

I can't decide which drives me more batshit--the constant yes, or the yawning silence.

But, man, I really miss the developer who just told me no on everything and that he didn't like me and that I ruined his work day. We got along fabulously. But...he's already in India, and he's leaving the company proper at the end of the month.

I really depend on chemistry. More than I should, maybe, but when I can pull it off, I really pull it off. We got some shit accomplished.

Current developers? I don't think they care about me enough to go the extra mile at my behest.

All of this angsting about accomplishments reminds me... did anyone hear Fresh Air today? Ann Marie Slaughter discussed her article about how women can't have it all that's coming in next months Atlantic. [link]

So, the thing is, the woman just comes across as incredibly privileged and entitled. YES, living away from home 5 days a week is much harder than living at home and working and missing your kids. But the fact that you could leave your high stress, high hour State job to go back to be a tenured professor at Princeton, where it is easier to balance your life with your family... sigh. Cry me a fucking river.

I can't even finish packing my fucking house or getting the internet to work at the new one.

The only Oxbridge nonsense I know I learned from Stephen Fry and watching Lewis.

I used to tell a guy I worked with "no" all the time. The I'd ask him what end result he wanted and would give him that. He finally learned to trust that I'd ask the right questions and do the right things to get him what he wanted. I met his wife once and she LOVED that I would let him tell me what to do.

Dammit, one of the guys I work well with (manages the team that's my primary business user) was explaining some management tactic to me--it involved quadrants of motivation and ability, and indicated what techniques you use when you're dealing with someone that was, say, highly motivated but low on capability, or both highly capable and highly motivated, etc. And it made me wonder--is that why we work so well together? Are you playing me, motherfucker?

But, hey, results! So he can keep doing it. I wish more people would, all told.

Can one use those techniques on one's self? Because I *live* in the high capability, low motivation quadrant.

Because I know you were on tenterhooks - I have not heard back from Mr. Ar-TEEST "pop culture is commercial and superficial" Dude.

Oh Dana, I'm so sorry.

That's just adding injury to insult.

Not to mention the further insult of having to choose between work and family. Gah!

article about how women can't have it all

I want to read that but I am worried that it will just make me angry. hrm.

And it made me wonder--is that why we work so well together? Are you playing me, motherfucker?

He probably is but you can just think of it as him acting in a situationally appropriate and effective manner.