I am a classic ACOA. You might have noticed my desire to help. I've played Hero Child most of my life.

But I also rock the trait of I-will-do-this-thing-to-please-you-and-I-will-do-it-in-exactly-the-way-you-indicated-in-the-past-that-it-should-be-done-but-I-am-already-fully-expecting-you-to-change-your-mind-AFTER-I-do-it-and-so-I-am-braced-for-the-smackdown-that-will-result-from-me-doing-it-the-only-way-I-knew-to-be-correct.

Oh, yes. I will NEVER shake that trait, especially since I work for a dry drunk who pulls that shit all the time.

Much like Kate and the breastfeeding, I should have known I wasn't the only one! Discovering ACOA literally changed my life; it made everything make *sense*. (That, and discovering my father probably isn't my father, which explained a helluva lot of things.)

I think I fit some of that, from growing up with my mom being so sick. That's ... sort of enlightening.

I think I am the child of a ACOA. or something (although not alcohol.)

I think I fit some of that, from growing up with my mom being so sick. That's ... sort of enlightening.

You might, Amy. The common denominator is the child having to take on a parental role because the parent - for whatever reason - is not capable of taking charge. Because my big sister had already stepped into that role, I was able to just hide when things got bad, and things were usually bad. Enlightening is exactly what it was.

The common denominator is the child having to take on a parental role because the parent - for whatever reason - is not capable of taking charge.

And I'm the oldest child (of two) and a girl. And when things were really bad with Mom, all of Dad's attention was on her -- those were the times when he would let me take the car when I only had my permit, or forgot to come to school stuff because he was back and forth from the hospital or otherwise focused on Mom.

People pleaser, the need to help, so much of it fits. I'm not sure what to do with that, actually.

I'm not an ACOA but I am the adult child of a mom who was severly mentally ill and didn't get the right help until I was 19. I float between take control and hide. Mostly, I hide. I call it "turtle-ing". I turtle until things look better then I poke my head back out. I've been doing that for about a year and a half thus far, but it's getting better.

Great video, Sue!

Thanks Ginger! It was a lot of fun to make. And to meet all those kitties!

I'm an ACOA except my mother was a secret drunk for most of my growing up, so the effects weren't really felt. That said, most of my sibs ended up as Hero Children: we're all pretty successful (and nobody went to prison, yay).

Do NOT underestimate that. Food and booze shoved at you are really helpful in stressful times

And yes, it does help. Last night I hit TJ's on the way home and made myself a steak salad and binged on Falling Skies episodes.

My father keeps printing out fliers for assisted living places, but he would have to force my mother to move into one, and probably have her declared incompetent first. It's not really a viable option, even though I think that if they were in one, he would do much better.

I wish my mother had known/taken advantage of the ACOA stuff. Her father was an alcoholic, and I'm sure that fed into her controlling nature. She had stern views on things, and all of her children violated them in some way. She raised us to be as strong as she was, and it bit her in the metaphorical butt.

I have sympathy for her and what she went through, but I'm afraid I stopped missing her decades before she died.