2011 started with me feeling grateful to be alive. It has ended on a completely different note.

In between, my businesses stayed pretty much the same. I accepted a part time position with a friend's company. It's been a stable and satisfying connection. I've been woefully absent over the last three months and hope to make up for that next month.

My life changed fundamentally last week and I'm still at a loss for how to just _be_ in the world.

Fortunately, thanks to Big Pharma, I have survived an awful physical affliction that threatened to send me back to hosptital...so I've got that going for me.

I've always tried to begin the new year as I would want it to continue...active, clean, orderly, hopeful.

All I am now is tired and sad.

Very well cared for, to be sure, but very, very tired. No cleaning. No celebrating. No ritual burning. No enthusiasm.

I've come to peace with my loss, though I know I will feel it keenly for a long time. I'm just having a hard time caring about anything else.

Tonight will be a bath and early bed. Tomorrow, maybe some cleaning.

I have not been able to respond to all the incredibly kind and thoughtful messages I have received, but that will happen soon.

For now please hear me say, once again, how incredibly blessed I am to be a part of this community. Over the last 7plus years I have been given so much _more_ than seems possible from a group of 'invisible friends.' More laughter, more wisdom, more generosity of spirit and material, more learning and more awareness. Even in my darkest moments, I have never been alone.

You are all an amazing gift. Thank you.

I received a surprise present today, a tin of Enstrom's Colorado Almond Toffee.

Thank you, Stephanie!

2011 was a lot less change-filled than 2010 and that was a good thing. The biggest changes was to at work. I'm at the same company but was given the opportunity to change jobs when the contract I was working under (and performing many roles for) ended. I am realizing that my new job feels more like an actual career than any job I've ever had has. In a good way! I'm truly looking forward to seeing where I can go with this.

Bob is doing great. First year of marriage pretty much rocked. It's hard sometimes with him traveling back to IL for work a couple of times a month but it still seems like the best option for him workwise for now. So, we make do. And we really feel very lucky in so many ways. We have been able to pay down a bunch of credit card debt this year (mostly mine, frankly) and were still able to take an amazing vacation (really, best vacation ever for either of us!) and buy a new computer and new bikes. (The bikes were bargains, relatively speaking, but still.) My car is hanging in there and, fingers crossed, it will continue to hold on for a while (I'm really hoping to get at least 200,000 miles out of it and it's at close to 175,000 now!).

The elderly cats are also hanging in there. The diabetic one has had some health issues recently not directly related to diabetes) and is showing his age more than his brother. I need to take him back for some bloodwork after a couple of weeks of antibiotics (which he was a total bitch about taking) and see what comes up. There's a chance that what they are hoping was an infection may be something more serious.

I haven't been able to participate here as much as I'd like due to only being able to post from my stupid phone with a bad keyboard during the day but you are all in my thoughts a lot and I'm hoping that 2012 is full of awesome for everyone!

Whew! Finally got my Secret Santa gift to the post office. Of course, I managed to get there with half the town.

What will we all do if they decide to close on Saturdays?

I mail stuff at the grocery store now, Sumi. I'm there anyway and it's open 24 hrs.

I haven't had time to write up a long post, but as I look back, I think I had a pretty good year. Raised over $6750 for charity, outspelled Adam Savage and Michael Chabon, was repeatedly asked to act in things (even without auditioning), gave my best performance ever, wrote something that was performed for a standing room-only audience, taught an outstanding cancer pharmacology workshop, visited London/Stonehenge/Bath/Edinburgh/Glasgow/Highlands, had the most expensive and best meal of my life, totally went to Comic-Con, interviewed Anisha Nagarajan and Rizwan Manji, met new friends and saw old ones, found a new online community, and more. Not to mention all the great books and comics I read, television and movies I watched, plays I saw, and games I played. I guess if the worst thing I can say is that I'm still single, I'm doing okay.

Except for a couple trips to see friends, my 2011 was almost entirely forgettable. In 2012, I would like to do more things that are worth remembering.

Posting this after P.-C. only highlights how dull my life has become! AND I'm single.

2011 has been a hang-in-there year. We had intended to move but delayed it one more year. Work has been difficult, but we're both working.

This has also been the first full year Grace has been home. She's gone through so many changes as has Noah. We've had a variety of changes, surgeries, and therapies. Sometimes this year has felt like one giant appointment.

In the coming year, we will have still more surgeries and more appointments. I'd love to finish my Masters as well as do some work to move more into policy from the classroom. I'll also have to re-certify my National Boards which sounds overwhelming. Did I mention we also hope to move?

All in all, I'm ready for 2012 to bring some, I hope, positive changes.

Here's hoping that 2012 is better for everyone, even those that had good 2011s.

I know I could use some good things to happen.

2011.

Well, it was a year, to be sure, and not exactly uneventful, between the cancer, and Perkins the cat, and the house, and other stuff. I'm glad it's over, but at the same time, I have to believe it is ending on a positive note, and putting me in a good position to have a better 2012.

It's certainly ending on a nice note too, watching Community with -t, with Perkins the Cat curled up next to me, months after he was supposed to be gone.