I don't have a particularly inspirational model -- I got sick enough that I didn't feel like smoking one day, and the next day I just decided to see how many days I could go, and it's been almost three months. I've lapsed a couple times with a cigarette here and there, but mostly been OK. It's not the social situations that I have found most daunting, it's the alone time.

If I were to do it again, I'd use patches, because I think the physical withdrawal of the nicotine affected my emotions or whatever in ways I did not anticipate or recognize right away.

It caused me to have a psychotic episode.

It gave me crazy rage, Howard Hughes-like social anxiety, and almost a year of insomnia.

It completely destroyed my short-term memory. I would take the meds, and then have absolutely no idea if I just took my meds or not.

I can't fully explain what happened to me without breaking down. It was terrifying. And my doctor prescribed them and said, "see you in six months."

By then, I was absolutely certain that everyone around me was involved in a conspiracy to drive me to suicide.

I'm so glad I never took up smoking (even though both my parents smoked), because I suspect I would have had a very hard time quitting. I'm not good at quitting bad habits.

BTW, this is a pretty cool graphic comparing OWS and the Tea Party, although I wish it had better demographic analysis: [link]

And my doctor prescribed them and said, "see you in six months."

WTF?

My doc always makes me see him or call him in a month to see how the new med is doing. He'd also tell me the most common side-effects and to call him if they were bad. I had assumed that was standard practice.

Wow. I'm on Wellbutrin right now merely because it was the only AD I could remember when I told my GP I needed some medication help with my moods. I'm careful to take it early so it doesn't affect my ability to fall asleep, and my motivation has clearly improved, but nothing dramatic--either positively or negatively. No extra energy, no increased libido, no rage, no noticeable impact on the insomnia. It's just that things aren't as molasses bleak and hard to untangle myself from anymore.

As for my memory, I have no idea if I have one or not. So there's that. I wouldn't know what to start blaming it on.

Happy Birthday Sumi!!!

I'm fine with Wellbutrin. Effexor, however, made me think more and more about strangling everyone who annoyed me. I thought that ultimately that would be a bad thing.

My hair dryer worked yesterday. Why doesn't it work today?

My hair dryer worked yesterday. Why doesn't it work today?

It's on Wellbutrin?

I wish I had any understanding of what's wrong with my brain, why I can't get out of bed some days, why I will find myself waking up crying with no memory of why.

But the medication has never made things actually better. Only more dull, with an inability to turn a phrase or enjoy music fully. I've come to the conclusion that I'd rather have some bad episodes that might last a few months and have the rest of the year be full of a life I can truly enjoy.