I never really thought out what I wanted in a man, and on a rational basis Hubby probably is not on the recommended list--especially taking hindsight into account. But I need him on a cellular level. When I'm scared out of my wits and I can't decide what to do, the primal drive that moves me is "Find him." And when he needs me, I will--and have--challenged any authority figure in my way to get to him.

I've been preparing myself for years for the day when I won't have him any longer. The odds of me getting a golden wedding anniversary are low. When I'm ruthlessly logical, I can see a lot of areas where a lot of work should be done, but down in the brainstem, the she-wolf doesn't contemplate a world without her mate.

oh msbelle, that comment makes me so angry on your behalf, I mean yours and mac's.

Pets and cars, two things that children aren't. Funny how language works. I rely on analogy quite a bit to comprehend things around me, but I'm suddenly seeing how flawed it can be.

never doubt that I called them on it. shaming was involved. I judge.

I don't really see being single as a choice... I do get the concept, but I personally don't know another way to be.

Aw, Connie. I am a sucker for wolf analogies.

This would make a fine buffista t-shirt.

I love Basic Instructions! Quality comic, yo.

I never really thought out what I wanted in a man

I didn't, either, beyond, "Loves me for me, rather than tolerates my company despite the several things he wants to change about me." But I didn't think men like that actually existed; or, if they did, I didn't think that *I* was worthy of a man like that.

So Tim really caught me off guard by loving all of me, including the weird parts, the quirky parts, the unloveable parts, the parts that every man before tried to change about me. He caught me totally off guard, and I didn't see him coming until it was too late and I already loved him, too.

Only once, early on, did he express concern that *he* isn't what he thought *I* might want in a guy -- he doesn't read the way I do (or very much at all, really), he doesn't devour pop culture in huge gulps and assimilate it, and he isn't urbane and (he feels) witty.

I never *said* to him that's what I wanted in a man, although I suppose I kind of assumed that's the type of man I would end up with. But the thing is, I've been with those types of men, but *I* was never right for them, for varying reasons, and they tried to change me. (And, being a people-pleaser, I really tried to change. Oh, how I tried. And it damaged my soul in so many places, for a very long time.)

But the thing is, Tim might not be what I thought I *wanted,* but he turned out to be everything I didn't know I *needed.* If that makes sense.

I had pretty much resigned myself to being single for the rest of my life, because I wasn't going to keep trying to change for a man on the chance that *maybe* then he'd love me. Tim...he is my great, good surprise, and my utter, utter joy.

t edit I am hopped up on migraine meds, and therefore rambling without the benefit of an internal editor. Hope that wasn't ridic or gushy.

At work before 7:30. This is wrong, somehow.

Steph, I can't begin to express how happy I am that you found Tim. Watching your relationship blossom from afar has been a great pleasure.

sarameg, sorry about the early morning work shift!

I forgot I was supposed to be at work at 8:30, so now I won't. Oh well.

Not gushy, Tep. Just eloquent and beautiful.

Another little quake just a couple of minutes ago -- were any other Bayistas awake to feel it?

never doubt that I called them on it. shaming was involved. I judge.

I almost wish throat punching had been involved. Grrr.

Having a children is a choice (for most) but since it involves creating a future not only for the new humans but the ones who will eventually depend on them for care and leadership, I say the people who are building that future are the ones taking the hit for Team Humanity.

The child-free movement and those desiring a tax break for their choice get their benefit from more sleep, less stress and the freedom that comes from not having to wipe noses and asses for years.

In other words: Suck it up and be The Village.