FWIW, I am totally in favor of single childfree people throwing parties for themselves and getting presents

I'm totally throwing myself a housewarming party after I (a) sell my house and (b) buy a new one. Everyone is welcome to bring me gifts.

Squeezes in next to javachik and Allyson in the "where's my shower?" corner.

I do know that after I finish my degree, and get settled wherever I end up working in the library field, if I'm still not married, I'm going to put in a request with my parents for the money they've always promised me for my wedding. If I'm not married by age 50, I'll be going cheap with any future ceremony so I'm sure any spouse and I can pay for our own. However, I'd love to take my parents' money and use it for a downpayment on my own place. I think my sister did that when she bought her place when she was only 40.

FWIW, I am totally in favor of single childfree people throwing parties for themselves and getting presents.

It's so funny. I sort of had that idea about having a housewarming (for about 10 seconds) and then I was like "I just bought a fucking house. Some of my friends have trouble putting meals on their table. I don't need anyone to give me presents just because I bought a bigass present for myself!!"

I did love getting cards and good wishes from people, but the best part was just having a place for all of my friends to come together and hang out. And drink a lot. And listen to Matt and his friend play music. That was a pretty damned good gift.

(Uh, Consuela, my post was totally x-posted with yours. I will be happy to bring you celebratory items when you move!)

Hah, java!

Although you are totally correct about people who can't afford to buy gifts--and if so, they should not. I should hate to make anyone think they were obligated to do so.

I keep trying to give my (single) sister the kids of things people get for wedding presents (dishes, etc.) and she keeps saying, "But why do I need more than 3 plates?" [ETA: KINDS of things. My sister likes my kids, but would not have them as a gift, I am pretty sure.]

In the rant about children as lifestyle choice, other things included as lifestyle choices were the purchase of an SUV. Later (in her apology) she included the ability to take a tax deduction for a boat (you can get the mortgage interest deducted if you claim it as a second residence, but it has to have a bathroom - good to know, I guess?). So, comparing having children to buying vehicles kind of strikes me the wrong way.

And I definitely agree that a lot of people consider that having children is a choice nowadays, which it clearly is not really, on either the having or not having sides, for a lot of people.

Oof. Finally caught up. Happy belated birthdays for birthday folks, and hugs for folks who need 'em.

So, comparing having children to buying vehicles kind of strikes me the wrong way.

This, absolutely. For so many reasons.

Hey, has anyone else read the cover story of this month's Atlantic? So, so good. And made me feel a lot less conspicuous about being never married at 42.

Ooh, link?

A friend of mine went to buy a new car the other day, and ended up buying two. TOTALLY like having children...in that he's a gay man who used to be a Mormon who has five of them? Oops?

Your friend is choosing shitty metaphors for a kind of shitty idea. I'm guessing that for most of the humans in her sphere, having children was a choice, and it's hard to deal with the fact that they're being rewarded in some way for that choice. I want to be rewarded, too!

I can make the case for comparing having a child to a luxury item. But I like kids, and sometimes long to be a parent. But it's a careful comparison to make. You don't own children, you're raising a human being. The metaphor can only sustain itself for a tiny part of an enormous idea. Kids are like luxury items in that while I long for one, I can't afford to support one, but that's kind of where the metaphor ends.