I saw my therapist today and I was a bawling stressed out mess. There's some legit issues but also just a feeling of being overwhelmed and tired of feeling sick.
She told me that my brain could be misinterpreting how I'm feeling as depression and so kicks in with all the depression thoughts and what not. She said this can happen with panic attacks - a person can run up a flight of stairs or exercise and have elevated heart rate and be out of breath and the brain goes "oh! I know this panic!" and kicks in with an anxiety attack.
So, I have that to deal with as well.
my brain could be misinterpreting how I'm feeling as depression
This was one of the most useful insights I ever got from a therapist - the idea that what I was feeling might not actually be depression, but something else that I either wasn't used to feeling in its proper context, or that I was more afraid of than depression. I have since realized that I internalize anger as depression and self-hate. Haven't yet figured out how too externalize the anger in a non-destructive way.
It makes sense, and it also explains why I get so emotional if I get overtired.
Yesterday I found myself caught in a loop of all these emotions and I hadn't really felt like that since I moved up here. A little bit, but mostly more recent stuff. Yesterday I was mentally digging up stuff from middle school and elementary school and beating myself up over it.
The main tell that I remember was hiding.
I had forgotten this. The cats in my life have done this as well when it was time.
It makes sense, and it also explains why I get so emotional if I get overtired.
I have to really work on my self-talk to not have a meltdown if I'm overtired or haven't eaten (or just haven't eaten protein) or any number of things. It will be End Of The World time, until I stop and look at what else is going on.
Just identifying that I need to eat doesn't necessarily *stop* the overwhelming emotion, but it can help to slow it down long enough for me to get lunch.
The main tell that I remember was hiding.
Sometimes dogs do this too.
What I have looked for in the past are changes - in eating and drinking, in litter box usage, energy level, sleeping habits, and vocalization habits, etc.
Ugh. I have some of this going on in my household. She is a very old lady, poor girl.
No hiding though. Polar opposite. You can't
make
this cat go away. She's like a yowly little Terminator; it doesn't matter what you do, she Just Keeps Coming.
ETA: I say that with affection, but damn.
The main tell that I remember was hiding.
I think this will be a big clue for me. Mickey is very social and likes being with me. When he was well, he'd follow me around from room to room. And he knows my habits well enough that he'd beat me to the bathroom in the mornings. He's spending less time with me and more time sleeping, but if I go join him in the bed, he snuggles and purrs.
Seriously, y'all. I can't even begin to tell you how much it means to have you all share your experiences and give me advice on this. It really does give a small measure of comfort in a painful situation. Thank you.
As long as he can and does purr, he may have some time left. I remember a vet - a really good vet - telling us years ago that the time to put a cat to sleep was when it didn't eat or purr.
