Maria, love, please listen to these wise people. Fights happen. This has nothing to do with that. And I know that a severe trauma like you've had today can cause those horrible after images, so I want to echo everyone else in saying that taking an anti-anxiety/sedative is not a bad idea if you have one available. The most likely side effect is drowsiness, but mostly they just put a bottom on the pain spiral for a little bit. If you don't or you don't want to, of course that's okay too. You aren't alone. We love you.
Slay-er? Chosen One. She who hangs out a lot in cemeteries? You're kidding. Ask around. Look it up: Slayer comma The.
Buffy ,'Showtime'
Spike's Bitches 47: Someone Dangerous Could Get In
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Pix - Feb 13, 2012 7:44:08 pm PST #7286 of 30001
The status is NOT quo.
DavidS - Feb 13, 2012 7:47:34 pm PST #7287 of 30001
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
I'm afraid I caused this--too much stress on him.
Bullshit. Seriously, I've met you. You're not that aggravating.
Liese S. - Feb 13, 2012 7:51:16 pm PST #7288 of 30001
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."
We will, maria, certainly. But yours has been a complex relationship for a long time and that's ok. It is always easy to blame ourselves, because we want to think we could have prevented things. It will be hard that you fought, and that will be part of your regrets, but you didn't make this happen.
I don't know what you believe about the afterlife, but if you do believe, then maybe you can also believe that he knows now how much you love him. I know many Buffistas don't frame their thoughts this way and that's fine if you don't, but if you do, it may be comforting to you.
P.s. also totally allowed to be mad at God.
-t - Feb 13, 2012 7:52:24 pm PST #7289 of 30001
I am a woman of various inclinations and only some of the time are they to burn everything down in frustration
Maria, I'm going to give you some unsolicited advice because I have it to give. You can ignore it, of course, but maybe it will be useful to you. You're going to have a lot of feelings that seem wrong or have no basis in reality or just don't seem like what you "should" be feeling. Go ahead and feel them just as hard as they come on. They're emotions, they may not mean what you think they mean.
Liese S. - Feb 13, 2012 7:53:54 pm PST #7290 of 30001
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."
That's good advice. And how gracious, -t, for you to speak out of your experience here.
Burrell - Feb 13, 2012 7:53:59 pm PST #7291 of 30001
Why did Darth Vader cross the road? To get to the Dark Side!
Oh Maria, I am so so sorry.
Maria - Feb 13, 2012 7:57:00 pm PST #7292 of 30001
Not so nice is that I'm about to ruin a Friday morning for a bunch of people because of a series of unfortunate events and an upset foreign government. - shrift
-t, I'll take whatever you have to give. I'm sorry we're in the same goddamned club now.
Everyone else, I need you too. Don't give up on me.
Polter-Cow - Feb 13, 2012 7:58:31 pm PST #7293 of 30001
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
Liese S. - Feb 13, 2012 7:59:07 pm PST #7294 of 30001
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."
We won't. We're here for you. Hold onto us. And onto your realspace peeps, but you know, Buffistas keep odd hours, so we're here when the others crash out!
Beverly - Feb 13, 2012 7:59:57 pm PST #7295 of 30001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Listen to -t, she's right. And know that we're here. Someone is always here, to listen, just for you to know someone's here. I'm so sorry, Maria.