They were splitting the month, now everyone is moving closer so she was going to have my nephew during the week and my brother on the weekends. Now my XSIL wants my brother to accept every other weekend.

They don't have a custody arrangement finalized do they?

My brother put his foot down and said they'd go to a mediator. I hope that goes well.

It's worth a try but that's unlikely. She would have to want to reach a compromise and she doesn't have to.

My XSIL never bonded with my nephew, he doesn't want to go to see her, he never says he misses her and she's never apart of his pretend play.

You don't really know what her relationship with your nephew is like. You're very much a partisan viewer on this.

Which I don't say in admonitory fashion, but just to say that dealing with custody issues is fraught enough without the extended family digging in their heels and feeling monumentally aggrieved.

Your brother will never get 50/50 custody in a contentious court battle. Judges never do 50/50 unless both parents want it.

That schedule seems really odd with weekdays / weekends. People rarely do that. I highly recommend the 5-2-2-5 schedule for a 50/50 split. That's what we've done with Emmett.

He's with EM every Mon & Tues; he's with me every Weds & Thurs; and he alternates weekends from Fri-Sun between us. So it's 50/50 over a two week period, you have extended stretches of time together (five days in a row), and whole weekends together, but also whole weekends off.

If she's not amenable to that and the court has to decide (which is very expensive, incidentally - like $10,000+ in attorney fees to start) then the least custody he could expect would be every other weekend plus dinner one weeknight.

That's sort of the base level for father's custody in contentious cases.

But hopefully the mediator can help hash something out that would be desirable to her and give him more time with his son. Your brother needs to protect his rights, but he also needs to be smart about containing his anger/resentment and not overplaying his hand. Because he's not going to win if he's too aggressive. But he'll definitely get fucked over if he doesn't fight for his parental rights.

He needs to be calm, resolute and willing to compromise.

So, I'm watching Martha Stewart, and she has Thomas Keller on, and he's talking about how his restaurant developed a gluten free flour that is cup for cup equal to AP flour. I think, it will probably be expensive, but I'll check it out for the SIL. It is 19.95 for THREE POUNDS (to better understand my outrage, I will mention that 2 pounds of AP flour usually costs less than two dollars). They are really taking advantage of people's love of carbs.

That schedule seems really odd with weekdays / weekends. People rarely do that.

I know more people who do this than not. But that is just the people I know.

That being said, each situation is unique and the custody agreement is going to reflect that. A larger issue than who has the kid when is if the parents are able to put aside their personal issues with each other and are able to communicate as parents. Without reasonable communication, the rest is fraught with difficulty. I don't know an easy way to solve that.

They have a custody agreement, which was 2 weeks with him, 2 weeks with her.

It hasn't been continuous because my brother has bent over backward trying to make sure it would be nice.

He put his foot down when the XSIL announced she and her fiance were moving to Seattle, and, by the way, taking my nephew with them. The move to be closer is part of that agreement.

I don't know first hand how my XSIL treats my nephew. I don't communicate with her in anyway.

I know that she decided being a wife and mother was too much for her. So she moved out. To a different state five hours away and didn't want to see my nephew at all, except maybe once a month. Which is pretty much what she did until she met her now fiance (and "soulmate"). I know when she decided she did want to be a mom and want E up there, and E started going up there, she'd call because E would stand in front of the door for hours crying saying over and over he wanted his daddy and to go home.

E doesn't do that now, but he still cries when has to go spend time with her. He's happy when he sees my brother.

At the beach when I saw him last E said he missed the dog, I asked if he missed mommy and he said NO!. That's the only time I ever broached the subject.

I wasn't asking for advice or a big lecture anything.

I just thought I'd throw out that a few thoughts or prayers would be nice and appreciated.

Gnnerrgh. Despite my medium efforts (I won't say best) I overspent over the holidays and now have, oh, $10 until mid-month. And possibly no more after that, since it's a paycheck for one week's pay.

I am fighting a panic attack. I think I'm PMS-ing. I keep reminding myself that at least my debt didn't increase, but I'm still at rock bottom financially and haven't built up any safety cushion at all. I got out and walked Frankie to get some fresh air and hopefully change my mood, but to no avail.

Back at looking at short-term ways to make more money - I really don't think I can handle another job, but maybe making and selling crafts? ::sigh::

askye, I hope they can work something out. Sounds like a very tough situation - I hope XSiL gets a clue.

The idea of my brother having E on the weekends only was this - my brother will be going to school and working part time. E will be in pre school. So by having E Friday afternoon - Monday morning (dropping off at pre school) my brother would get more awake hours with E than spending every other week.

Which make sense.

Growing up my brother and I saw my dad every other weekend and on Wednesdays. I hated the Wednesdays and it was finally dropped. My mom was always amiable for Dad to see my brother and I as often as he wanted, but he didn't really do more than that.

I keep hoping she will too.

It is 19.95 for THREE POUNDS (to better understand my outrage, I will mention that 2 pounds of AP flour usually costs less than two dollars). They are really taking advantage of people's love of carbs.

GF flour ain't cheap, but Thomas Keller's new flour is definitely on the high end. The GF AP flour I use is $4 for 2 pounds; the GF baking mix I use (which has baking powder, salt, etc., in it; it's similar to Bisquik) is $13 for 4 pounds.

I'd like to try Keller's flour, to see if it's All That, but no way am I spending $20 for 3 pounds. I wonder how much of the price is because it's his super-special name on the label.

I wonder how much of the price is because it's his super-special name on the label.

I'm going to go with "most"