Aims,

one of the things that I think can be forgotten sometimes is that there often is a lot of help immediately when something like this happens, but then support and offers for assistance fade away through time. You may want to line up x,y,z now and then check in with the family and the little girl in a month for a play date or to go to a weekend outing or something.

le n, you said exactly what I was going to say.

My Dad was quite against organ donation (and, assumedly donation to science) and I only learned about it once it wasn't really worth asking and talking about. But I wished we'd been able to discuss it so I understood why since I don't believe it was any religious belief on his part.

His objection could simply have been my objection to being cremated, it creeps me the fuck out. I don't care if anyone else does it, but stick me in the ground, please.

Poor Z family! Yeah, food next week. They're lucky they've got you around, Aims.

My Dad was quite against organ donation (and, assumedly donation to science)

My Dad filled out a whole sheaf of papers so his body can be donated to science. Basically, all I have to do when he dies is call a number, and they come get him. It's a little unnerving, but I appreciate the efficiency on their part and the altruism on his part.

His objection could simply have been my objection to being cremated, it creeps me the fuck out. I don't care if anyone else does it, but stick me in the ground, please.

Oddly, vocally wanted creamation. So it's an unanswered question with him. Personally rotting terrifies me so science is good but the Body Farm no. It's all what slots into your comfort zone.

And we've got his remains back now. I suspect we keep them until he and Mom go together. With Dramamine for her if his ocean demands stay. Still, he's home. And I feel it is where he belongs right now. I'm just glad Dad is home.

The end of life isn't an easy time to discuss, but I think it's a worthwhile thing while you can still talk about it.

Immediate help does fade. What can you do next week or month? Or best, what can you do now and do again in a week or month?

le n, you said exactly what I was going to say.

And Windsparrow said exactly what I was going to say.

The first thought that came to my mind was having the girls organize a rota of food and errands, then have them ask their parents/church/clubs to participate.

That way, the folks who react right away and can overwhelm with support have a day in the future they know will be theirs.

I also love the garden/tree idea. My friend K who died 3 years ago was the local gardener. So, SO loved and missed. Her partner and a few others organized an effort to take over a small plot of land across from her house.

It is lovely and simple and so perfect.

She had a beautiful image of a modern wrought iron fence on her business card and the team had a specialist recreate the fence around her garden. Every time I see it, it makes me smile and tear up. Just perfect.

Aimee - I really recommend this book Tear Soup [link]

It explains the process of grieving, especially in terms of a sudden death. It may help Emeline and the other girls in your troop understand what is going on.

I agree with Le Nubian, to check in with the family and see what they need in a few months.

Still, he's home. And I feel it is where he belongs right now. I'm just glad Dad is home.

It's weird how its a relief to get them back in any form at all, but it is, isn't it?

Those are all really good ideas. I like the flower idea for sentiment, and the chores rota for practicality.

Are you sure you didn't check the "Installment Plan" box?

I...may have. My right hand has turned out to be an Evil Hand, so it may have been up to surreptitious mayhem. And my left arm is a cyborg arm, so I am anticipating all-out hand war any day now.

Many hugs for you, Cass.

Basically, all I have to do when he dies is call a number, and they come get him. It's a little unnerving, but I appreciate the efficiency on their part and the altruism on his part.

This was my MiL's plan, she donated her body to science. I have mixed feelings about it after all this time, but it's what she wanted.