I've seen cupcakes instead of wedding cake on Offbeat Bride and one couple had an assortment of pies instead of wedding cake.

At my cousin's wedding in Denver, their friends baked a ton of different pies for dessert. It was wonderful.

I think the older generation really likes registries because they like the idea of helping you create a home. My mom still has stuff that she got as wedding presents, so the idea that she would buy something that the couple would keep and remember 60 years later is happy-making.

Yes, helping newleyweds set up their household can be fun!

Registries for a third marriage are not as much fun (in my opinion). A cousin announced an engagement for a 4th marriage recently and I vowed to myself not to send a gift.

Sparky, why couldn't he eat the cake?

I like cupcakes, and could see them solving a fair number of cake-related issues (like, hard to have multiple cakes, but you could have some gluten free cupcakes and some vegan and some with bacon and all the wheat)

I've seen cupcakes instead of wedding cake on Offbeat Bride and one couple had an assortment of pies instead of wedding cake.

I'm down with cupcakes, although I'm not sure how Tim feels. I mean, he likes cupcakes in general -- he would never turn one down if it was offered -- but he might want an actual cake for his wedding.

Registries for a third marriage are not as much fun (in my opinion). A cousin announced an engagement for a 4th marriage recently and I vowed to myself not to send a gift.

Since this is Tim's second marriage, I figure some people won't give us gifts, and I don't really care. I don't know how to do the math on Tim's Second Marriage + Steph's First Marriage, so whatever.

Sparky, why couldn't he eat the cake?

He doesn't mix milk & meat, so since he ate meat at the meal, he couldn't have a dessert with milk in it. We had a dairy-free kosher cupcake that a friend brought from Seattle.

Awww, I think people are going to want to give you both lots of wedding gifts (including me). This particular relative is a serial monogamist who married someone new every 3 or 4 years (in one case with days in between marriages). I've spent several hundreds of dollars over the years to be part (or sponsor) of her weddings. Very different from you and Tim. I'm sorry if I sounded judgmental of you guys!

Since this is Tim's second marriage, I figure some people won't give us gifts, and I don't really care. I don't know how to do the math on Tim's Second Marriage + Steph's First Marriage, so whatever.

I think the math is that his friends and relatives might not feel as obligated to give a gift or as generous a gift as your friends and family might. Or at least that is the way it should be in my mind. I can't imagine not registering. I know I probably shouldn't have with eloping, but my mother still insisted I have a wedding shower. I just don't trust my relatives to know my taste; even with a registry I got some things that I hated.

I'm sorry if I sounded judgmental of you guys!

Oh, no, I didn't mean that! It's just that it has occurred to me that people might think "Second wedding, they're both in their 40s, eh, they have everything they need."

Which totally ignores my bottomless need for a bitchin' food processor. Or maybe a coffeemaker that can think.

my mother still insisted I have a wedding shower.

Oh, man. I didn't even think about a shower. Well, maybe someone will give me a shower gift of the Apron You Wear To Dance For Money. (I will never stop being appalled/amused by that. Partly because of the specificity of it being an apron -- I have a BATMAN apron, yo, and I will wear it if you insist that I wear an apron to my wedding. Although, having read previous posts, I'm glad it doesn't involve safety pins.)

I think if one person hasn't been married before the wedding should be treated like a first wedding. Etiquette people might not agree but it doesn't seem fair that one person misses out on certain wedding experiences they may want because the other person got married.