I certainly knew better than to actually ask

Exactly.

I got married at 19 and never had anyone ask if I was pregnant. Then again, I kinda wish at least one person, like my mom, had asked me if I really knew what I was doing. But without doing that I wouldn't have my marvelous kids, so there is that.

My parents were married when Mom was 24, which her family considered old (my great-grandmother used to tell her she was going to have to put her on a shelf and dust her). Their engagement was a very short one, so everyone was convinced she was pregnant, but I didn't come along for another 6 years.

I have no real opinion on how long stuff like that should take. Because I had a plan for five years that took more like ten or twelve, and I'm still not where I want to be. Although, yes, Tep, if Tim ran off with a dressmaker or something, I would have probably thought "Too bad, I thought he was the one."

Oh, everybody assumed I was pregnant. I mean, who would leave a good Christian school in the dead of night if not because she's knocked up? Years later, I told Dave, well, I guess they don't think I was pregnant anymore! And he said, naw, they probably just think you aborted.

It took Tim's dad longer than I expected to bring up the Hypothetical Imaginary Catholic Wedding (I seriously thought he would bring it up when we called to tell him we were engaged). But he waited until last night, which made it over a week.

He asked Tim last night if he could "do a reading" at the wedding, which of course implies Catholic Mass. Tim tactfully said, "If we have that kind of a wedding, you definitely can do a reading." But then his dad said he really wanted Tim to think about going up to the Catholic church in our neighborhood to talk to the priest there -- the priest is actually a high-school buddy of Tim's dad, and they still get together once in a whille. Anyway, he wants us to go talk to the priest, etc., etc. And Tim tactfully said, "We'll think about that."

*I* think it would just be easier to definitively tell him "We aren't going to have a church wedding because we don't belong to a church, and it would be hypocritical to join a church just so we can get married there." Because telling his dad we'll think about going to our neighborhood church is just going to get his hopes up. I think it's better to pull the band-aid off fast. But he's Tim's dad, so I'll let Tim deal with him.

One of the parts of my job that always makes me cringe has to do with why people get married. The government wants to know so I have to ask first. Usually people are okay with but it is still awkward to ask "why did you get married now?" or "why did you want so long?" or "are you planning on having children any time soon?" One of the things i hate about immigration law is that it is very much in the business of judging the nature and quality of people's most intimate relationships.

Teppy, isn't Tim divorced, or am I misremembering? If so, was he married Catholic the first time. I know my family was probably disappointed that we didn't do a Catholic wedding (and to be honest I would have liked a religious ceremony too), but there was no way to do that and still elope. We did talk about having a friend of the family who is a priest bless the marriage after the fact, but we kind of dropped the ball on that.

Teppy, isn't Tim divorced, or am I misremembering?

He was.

If so, was he married Catholic the first time.

He was not. But I think his parents weren't very involved in the church yet. It was only in the past 10-15 years that they got so very gung-ho about the church.

He was not. But I think his parents weren't very involved in the church yet. It was only in the past 10-15 years that they got so very gung-ho about the church.

Ah, that makes sense. Sorry that it makes it awkward for you and Tim, but ultimately you have to have the wedding that makes you happy, not everyone else.