Eh, it's not that bad a drive. Medicating a known problem is probably a good idea.

You know, I think the SO does this to a certain extent too. And he's super super social, so it really is cutting into his SUPER FUN TIME for me to be so reticent about events. And in my case it can be tiny things, like house shows. And then I'll be fine in festival crowds of 24,000, so what the hell do I know? But anyway, the point is, I think he really is probably trying to take care of you, and *he* doesn't know how to be helpful. Which makes sense, because sometimes *I* don't know how to be helped, and I would guess you're the same.

I think I would just keep asserting to him what you're trying to do and why, and laying out what you think your boundaries are going to need to be and how to equip for that.

I definitely think the SO sometimes throws up his hands and goes, fine, we just won't go, and that's honestly not what I want, but it also is going to take considerably more effort for me to be able to go do stuff.

Steph, I could not agree with Plei more.

What I'd like to add, with a huge caveat, is something I imagine you are feeling...so I could be totally wrong, caveat applied.

I don't think Tim is abandoning or rejecting you. He hasn't suddenly forgotten about your anxiety. Your heightened sense of shame/wrongness (I'm basing that on the 'mental illness' label you used a couple of times) is natural, given our tendency to pile on everything possible to the pile-o-Ihatethis/myself that anxiety builds.

What he probably HAS done, is gone into his own protective scripts about how to handle not getting something he wanted...ie, super fun time that his beloved finds exactly as enthralling.

This happens all the time, even for people without ADD or anxiety. It's just a normal kneejerk around gratification.

I'd vote for hitting the reset button...asking for a quiet conversation, taking from where you were before you got anxious, and talking through contingencies the way you always do.

You two are a pretty great team. This is just another opportunity to enjoy that fact.

I'm sort of helped or, rather, enabled, by the fact that Paul is about the least social human on the planet, so I don't have to have conversations about big social things (the only ones I go to are fandom ones, really, and I can usually handle that).

Of course, I'm hindered by the part that what I don't want to do is go to FAMILY things. And I can't get out of those.

didn't want to make Tim have to drive to Columbus just because I'm full of Russian nesting anxiety.

Dude, not that long a drive, plus, I'm guessing he'd rather drive and have you feeling OK than have you anxious AND not going!

didn't want to make Tim have to drive to Columbus just because I'm full of Russian nesting anxiety.

You're not well. So you can't drive. Don't suffer because you ignore that.

And when I read #1, Steph, I think of Tim saying "If we go, Steph won't enjoy herself, and I don't want to go if she doesn't enjoy herself, because I love her and want her to have a good time--how could I have a good time knowing she's unhappy" (I don't know Tim, other than he has the sense to fall in love with you, so that's a good start), but that's the not-the-one-having-anxiety interpretation of what you wrote.

I don't know if ADHD changes the processing so much that #1 is definitely something that needs to hurt you personally (other than regretting, but hey--eveyrthing doesn't all work out, and mental health is more important than just about anything, so take care), but I think it's important to see that interpretation too.

I approach social planning like it's a zombie outbreak and I'm in Shaun of the Dead.

It's the Abed in me. I need a script.

I approach social planning like it's a zombie outbreak and I'm in Shaun of the Dead.

It's the Abed in me. I need a script.

I'm considered an extravert and I do this too. I am _never_ at a social event without a major bag of coping tricks.

I basically need a script to talk to anyone outside of the Internet. It's a known issue with my neurology.

Which is why pictures at F2Fs of people in the same room, all on laptops, makes me want to cry with tears of joy and fellowship and tribe-ness.

Sometimes it feels like my whole life has been rehearsed before performance.

Well, a script or a metric shitload of booze.

Self-medication! I swear it's a valid lifestyle choice.

Tep, take care of yourself. Make sure Tim knows that all you're telling him is that, well, you are a fucking rock star of taking care of yourself, so that you can both get maximum kink enjoyment this weekend.