Oh dear, Connie. How difficult for both of you. Does he get that it might be easier for him if you were getting surgery and he was taking care of you, but it would still suck for both of you, just in a different way.

What Scrappy said!

Yes, (nodding), what Scrappy said. I also acknowledge how tough it must be on you to be the strong one and balance his needs at this tough time.

Coping 'ma for your husband and yourself.

The way he sees it, he's supposed to take care of me, I should never have to take care of him. I think I could be Black Widow and he'd be supposed to take care of me. to suggest otherwise is to suggest that the Earth rotates around the Moon and chocolate is evil.

Ah, Connie, so hard. He is indeed lucky to have you. Sending you both ~ma. Does he have a drug spreadsheet? Maybe that would be a good thing to have for the future?

Thanks for the gold star, Laura and Liese!

I have an ankle-length zip up hooded fleece robe with pockets, and its existence permits me to get out of bed on cold mornings.

Are you hanging with D's peeps?

Most likely? Don't know where, exactly. I will be wearing... whatever the fuck I can pull together in an hour or so. Thankfully wackiness on short notice is a strength of mine. I hope to run into you!

I know that brain - it took me awhile to convince Matt that we didn't owe anyone if they did us a favor - favors just keep circling around the neighbohood - it all works out . He is a little better about letting me take care of him, but his mom was a nurse.

You are right, this is so not the time to talk. But I would threaten him with a talk when he gets out of surgery . Your being sure he will be fine - without being reasuring may help.

And get a list of his drugs -- i just got one for me from my doctor and I tell you - piece of mind that I don't have to remember. ( I know you can't do it right now, but when you can )

I've got multiple text files of his drugs, but an actual spreadsheet is a brilliant idea. Easy to organize and modify. These forms are ridiculous, though, they have a small box for "list of drugs" and his prescriptions number in the high teens.

For his surgeries, we're going to put in "multiple spinal over a decade adn a half, multiple heart procedures over a decade and a halve, multiple joint procedures--please see records." You'd think the hospital where these things have been done at would have a way to link these things together.

Darlings, there is too much overwhelming for all of us now. I just do not have the wherewithal to specify to each of you the good thoughts and warm wishes you deserve. Please believe I am sending them, anyway.

Connie,

Google docs is a good spreadsheet because it has a mobile version that I was able to view on motorola razr phone years ago. I suppose it isn't a good idea to put a lot of personal, confidential info in it, but otherwise it is okay. If the doctors are Internet savvy, you could share a link with them and then expire it later.

What Scrappy said so gorgeously.

I've had to be very stern with him, pointing out to him that he is dishonoring that person's nobility by refusing to accept an honest gift (I know how my beloved's brain is wired, I know how his values are coded).

It must be very hard. On both of you.

I think the spreadsheet is a really good idea. Something easy to print or send and say, here, here is the exceedingly long list of medications or prior surgeries or evolving taste in cheeses. Probably mostly the medical stuff though.

The way he sees it, he's supposed to take care of me, I should never have to take care of him. I think I could be Black Widow and he'd be supposed to take care of me. to suggest otherwise is to suggest that the Earth rotates around the Moon and chocolate is evil.

My Dad felt (feels?) this way about my Stepmom. Not in a bad way like she couldn't take care of herself and, really, everything else. Just that he loved her and the most important thing in his world was that she was his beloved.